Love is Never Wise
by ashes at midnight
Summary: A collection of Buffy/Angel/Angelus one-shots. BtVS and Ats. Consists mainly of deleted or extended scenes insipired by episodes of both series, but will also include some original scenes. Starts slow, but does get better. Read, review and enjoy!
1. Potential

**Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns all, i'm just using his characters, and places... and hey, pretty much everthing else!!**

**A/N: Hey all! Just to let you all know, most of these little ficlets will either be extended or deleted scenes. It will also include some "Angel" scenes, so just be aware of that. I didn't want to put it in the crossover section!**

**The rating is T, proberbly for language, there might be a few sexy scenes namely my take on Surprise and the Angel episode I Will Remember You. Most will be canon, sorry! But if inspiration strikes I might do a few AU fics as well! See how I go! ****Angel will be Angelus and Liam in a few of these, just so you know... but mostly he will be Angel!**

**I will be alternating pov's between Angel and Buffy, it will be quiet obvious so I won't be telling you at the start of each chapter. And all of these fics take place during the series in either Los Angeles or Sunnydale.**

Potential

It was a bright sunny day as I pulled up outside the high school, my windows were blackened with paint, a necessity, considering my reaction to sunlight.

I wind down the window, and look out, careful to stay out of any direct rays of sunshine. It would really not do getting turned to dust so early after finding my purpose.

She is beautiful, a goddess, a slayer

Her entire being called to me, I had to follow. I had to keep her safe.

As I watch a plump middle aged man walks up to her and starts to talk to her. I watch as so many emotions flicker across her face, first surprise, then suspicion… then curiosity.

She has her work cut out for her this slayer, so much smaller then the others. She is young and untrained. But she has fire and spirit, and a will that even the devil would find hard to break. She is the essence of everything that is good and pure.

I sigh softly and watch as she gets up and follows her watcher. I wind the window back up, put the car in gear and pull away from the curb. I have a long way to go, it's not going to be easy. But I'm determined to help her, to make her fight against the darkness just that little bit easier.

To make her life just that little bit more normal.

**A/N: oh the irony! Gotta love it! Haha… and I hope you all realize that the devil Angel mentions could also be Angelus… yeah… inside jokes are fun!**

**Thanks for reading! Please review if you liked it!**

**Cheers**


	2. In chains

**A/N: Wishverse scene**

In chains

I hear the footsteps before I see her. Her combat boots making a soft thump with each step she takes. As she walks down the stairs I tense and huddle against the wall, trying to make myself as small as possible.

"Well" I hear her say softly "What do we have here?"

Her voice is different, light but with a hard _don't mess with me _edge. It's not Willow I realize it's someone else. I glance up slowly and see a small blonde young woman standing on the other side of the bars. Her hair is pulled back in a long braid, her eyes are rimmed with hard black makeup and there is a nasty scar across her lips, but it is her. She is far from the young vulnerable teenager I saw outside that high school all those years ago.

She starts to turn, her hazel eyes dismissing me with a swift glance and a toss of her head. I can't let her go…

"Buffy" I whisper, raising my head slightly "Buffy Summers?"

I see her shoulders tense and she turns to face me "How did you know my name?" she asks, her voice like steel.

I swallow and make myself meet her eyes, they are full of pain and show a maturity beyond her years. What the hell happened to this girl? She used to be so full of life, so bubbly and happy?

"I've been waiting" I tell her honestly, unable to lie "He sent me here to help you. But you never came…" I pause, and take an unneeded breath "I've been waiting. Then the harvest came and when the Master rose they locked me in here. I've been here ever since"

She looks at me with suspicion, but also curiosity. "Why would he do that?" she asks confused "Why not kill you?"

She doesn't know what I am, I realize suddenly. She doesn't know that I am a vampire. I pause and gather my thoughts, "They keep me here to punish me" I say

She looks a little surprised at my answer "Uh huh.." she mutters softly, the sound skeptical.

"Please…" I mutter "I can help you" I say softly.

She hesitates, I know she is used to working alone. She takes a few steps forward and kicks out violently against the lock on the door. It snaps instantly and sends the door crashing into the stonewall. A few chunks of granite and mortar fall to the floor and a cloud of dust floats into the air.

She walks confidently inside and strides over to me. She grabs the chains and starts to tug. As she leans forward the cross around her neck swings forward towards me. I jerk back in fear and pain.

She frowns and immediately drops the chains "Oh, you have got to be kidding me! She exclaims in disgust turning away.

"No!" I yell as she walks away "Please… I won't hurt you!"

Buffy turns towards me again, an incredulous look on her face "And why should I believe you?" she asks

I struggle to my feet, my muscles aching and sore. I stand up to my full height and notice her eyes widen slightly as I tower over her small frame. I slowly unbutton my shirt, wincing as the material brushes against my wounds, then I pull the cotton back and show her the burns and cuts across my chest.

"Believe me" I practically growl "I want to kill them just as much as you do"

I'm astonished, but as her eyes involuntary flicker down to my bare chest, I hear her heart flutter and watch as a blush slowly creeps up her cheeks.

She looks away suddenly and takes a deep breath. When she turns back to me she avoids looking me in the eye "Ok…well. You better not try anything!" she tells me as she turns and walks out of the cell.

I pause "Ah…Buffy?"

"Yeah"

I hold my arms out in front of me "The chains?" I ask with a slight smirk on my face

"Oh…right" she mutters, starting to blush all over again.

**A/N: I just watched The Wish again the other day and was inspired to write a fic after seeing how Buffy and Angel reacted to each other. I love this episode and find it quiet interesting how even in this alternative dimension Buffy and Angel still have this amazing connection.**

**With this little scene I mainly just wanted to show Angel's feeling about meeting Buffy after such a long time and just expanding on Buffy's reaction so seeing Angel with his shirt off!!**


	3. Reflective thoughts

**A/N: I have always thought that Buffy should have been able to hear Angel's thoughts during the season 3 episode "Earshot" There was great potential for A/B love!! I did want to write an entire full-length story, but then decided it would be better to just include it in this collection.**

**Angel's thoughts are in Italics**

Reflective thoughts

I push the door open, in too much of a rush to even bother knocking. Angel is standing just on the other side of the couch and shies away from the light. He quickly jumps into the shadows and covers his sensitive eyes with the back of his hand.

"Oops…sorry.." I mutter sheepishly and quickly close the door behind me "But you know, the sun… it's a problem during the day… which you know is now!" I say in a rush.

_Buffy? I thought she was at school. Why is she here now…has something happened.._

I take a deep breath and stare at him. Waiting. He blinks slowly at me, squinting as his eyes slowly clear. He smiles at me, a small smile that makes my heart beat faster and my breath catch in my throat.

He takes a small step towards me and I suddenly notice his rumpled hair and lack of shirt. I bite my lip to keep a gasp from escaping my lips as I stare at him "Did I wake you?" I ask softly "I'm sorry… but something came up at school and I…" I stumble to a halt, embarrassed how he always seemed to turn me into a blubbering idiot.

"Well, I was… but it doesn't matter… I can sleep later" he frowns at me then, and he looks concerned "Buffy… is something the matter?" _I hope she's ok, she looks pale… jesus she is so gorgeous.._

"No… I'm ok!" I say brightly a small smile on my face, trying to reassure him "It's just…"

"What?"

I smile at his sudden concern "You know that aspect of the demon thing I told you about yesterday…" I begin

"Yeah… what about it …" he mutters _I can't see a tail anywhere…_

I try not to laugh as I tell him "I can hear thoughts" I say with a little giggle and a twitch of my hips "And I just have to say, way better then a tail!" I laugh at his expression

"So you can hear my thoughts" he asks

I pause before I answer, trying to gauge his reaction. Finally I just decide to go with it and consequences be damned! "Yeah" I tell him softly "You ok with that?"

"Buffy…" _Oh this is not good! Not good at all! _"Are you sure? This might seem like a gift to you now, but it could very easily turn into a curse!" _And we all know how those turn out…_

I frown, slightly put out by his negativity. I was hoping this would be a good thing! "I'm sure" I tell him after a moment "When I walked into the Library earlier I heard Giles say 'Look at her shoes! If a fashion magazine told her to she'd wear cat's strapped to her feet" I had a sudden though and pouted, I looked down at my shoes " They don't really look like cat's do they?" I ask a bit worried

He blinks and smiles softly "Giles said that?" he chuckles; _I would have liked to see that! _"Your shoes look fine!" he assures me _Not that I really notice them anyway…_

"Angel!" I snap "A girls shoes are an important part of everyday life! Like breathing! Even more important actually, you're shoes can make or break your social status!" I tell him seriously

He actually rolls his eyes at that "Buffy…" he sighs "I give up! ok… I don't pay attention to the shoes, you look beautiful no matter what shoes you have on!" _even if they do look like cats…_

"Angel!" I shout horrified as he laughs softly. I pout "That wasn't funny!"

He grins and takes a few steps towards me. "Yeah" he mutters, "It was!" he smirks

I'm suddenly aware that he is close enough to touch. The temperature in the room seems to rise and I feel my breath quicken involuntary. I blush furiously and glance away. This is so hard.

_Oh God…l want her so much! _I glance up startled as I hear Angel's soft thoughts like a revered prayer. _How can something so beautiful, so full of light, something so good and pure want to be with someone like me… I don't deserve her. _He is looking at me softly, his eyes showing the depth of his feelings for me. I can see the longing, and the sorrow. And it breaks my heart

"I love you" I tell him softly, my voice catching on a sob

_I wish she could just wrap herself around me and hold me tight. Her soft skin hot against my cool flesh... _He shakes his head slightly _No, bad, bad thoughts...... _

"Angel" I murmer softly

He looks up at me then, takes a deep calming breath and reaches out slowly to brush the lone tear from my cheek "I love you too" he whispers softly _I always will._

I take his hand from my cheek and just hold it. Angel stares at me for a second, his eyes full of sadness as he tries to take his arm away "Buffy… please, it's too hard" _I hate that I can't touch her, it's not fair! I love her so much… her sent, her fire, her heart..._

I stifle a sob "Angel…don't"

He shakes his head silently and slowly pulls his hand away. He backs away towards the back of the house "Don't Buffy, please.." he tells me softly his voice a croak "It's too hard… I just… I can't do this anymore" _I just can't. _He turns around and disappears down the hall, leaving me standing in the middle of the living room.

Maybe it was the shoes….

**A/N: Ok, sorry for the small delay in this chapter. This one was actually really hard to write! I got a bit stumped about what Angel was thinking, and was just putting of writing this. But I got an idea this morning and took advantage of my muse being cooperative and finished the rest!**

**I really tried to make it angsty, and I think I did that but I also wanted it to be a bit funny as well. I always found this episode hilarious! Especially Cordelia, and Oz's thoughts were so deep!**

**Anyway, I wasn't quiet sure how to end this, and the last sentence just came to me out-of-the-blue, hopefully it made you laugh, and just lightened the story a bit. I don't want my entire story to be sad, we all have Joss for that!!**

**Anyway, gotta go or my author note will be longer then the actual chapter! Thanks for reading everyone, please if you liked it review!**


	4. Always

**A/N: My take on the Buffy season 2 episode 'surprise' this chapter is a bit smutty, so be warned! But nothing too graphic!! A few bit's of dialogue at the start are quotes from the episode!  
**

Always

We quickly run across the park and towards the apartment complex. We jump down the stairs and tumble into the apartment, quickly slamming the door behind us. I'm breathing hard and shivering uncontrollably, my clothes are soaked! Angel walks past me and grabs a few towels from the closet

"Here" he hands them to me "Take your clothes off and wrap these around you too keep you warm" I take them automatically and sit down on the bed, Angel follows close behind. I know he's still wound up from the close call we had at the factory. I slowly undo the buttons of my sweater and ease the material over my shoulders. I pause and glance up at him.

"Oh… sorry" Angel mutters embarrassed as he turns his back on me. I give a soft smile and ease the strap of my shoulder. I gasp suddenly as the material brushes against a cut on my back. "What's wrong?" Angel whispers softly.

I glance up startled and swallow nervously "Nothing" I mutter "Just a cut"

There is a pause "Can I see?" he asks softly.

I hesitate, "Ok" I whisper quietly bringing the towel up to cover my chest.

Angel turns around slowly and walks over to sit down on the bed behind me. His cool, soft hands caress my shoulders gently; I shiver and glance towards him. He looks up at me "It's already closed" he breathes softly, his cool breath a tickle on my skin. He runs his hands slowly over the muscles on my shoulders and down the inside of my upper arms. I shiver and gasp softly, my eyes fluttering closed as these exciting new sensations travel through my body.

He bends down and slowly kisses my neck, I turn slowly so I'm facing him and he raises his head to kiss my mouth. I smile against his lips and kiss him tenderly back. I moan softly and wrap my arms around his neck, bringing him closer, his hands rome slowly over my back, pulling me closer and sending tingles down my spine. He pushes me down gently, so that my head is nestled in the soft pillows.

I reach up slowly and place my hands on the buttons of his shirt, my small fingers make quick work of the first two before his hand grabs mine, stilling my movements. He draws back slightly, as he leans over me his legs are entwined with mine and his hips pressed against my own. Resting on his elbow he looks down at me with eyes that are full of love, and understanding.

"Are you sure Buffy?" he asks softly.

I lick my lips nervously and nod my head "I'm sure" I whisper looking him in the eye "I want to be with you!"

He needs so more encouragement, leaning down he kisses my mouth again, his lips are soft but firm, moving slightly he kisses my cheek, my chin and down my neck to the hollow of my throat. I gasp and wriggle slightly at the pleasure wracking my body.

I start at the buttons of his shirt again, this time he doesn't try to stop me. I push the damp shirt off his broad shoulders and run my hands over the taught muscles of his back. Angel's hand are wandering over my body, he runs his hand over my stomach and slips his hand under my shirt. I push myself up, so my body is pressed against his and he pull's the shirt over my head. My bra quickly follows. I lean back down and he moves down my body, kissing as he goes. I groan loudly and wrap my fingers in his hair.

Before I even realize it my shoes are gone and my pants and undies are in a heap on the floor. I grumble with annoyance as I feel him move away from me. He unzips his fly and I blush slightly, a goofy smile on my lips as I gaze at _all _of him for the first time.

He laughs at my expression and kicks his pants to the floor, he leans over me again and as he brushes against my belly I can't help but feel nervous, embarrassed and totally aroused, all at the same time!

He runs his hands slowly up my thighs; my breaths are coming in small shallow gasps now, as the tingling throughout my body becomes more and more pleasing. He pushes my thighs gently apart and I groan softly as he places his hand, _right there_.

I shut my eyes tight, and raise my hands above my head to grip the top of the mattress "Angel…" I gasp out, panting "please…. I…" I moan again and shudder against his hand "I need you!"

His mouth is suddenly inches from my own, kissing my lips "Buffy… this might hurt…" he tells me softly, his voice gentle. I nod silently and widen my thighs. He is careful, his movements tender as he slowly pushes himself inside me.

I close my eyes again and sigh. Arching backwards I can feel him against me, his movements send wave after wave of pleasure throughout my body.

For the first time since I have been called I feel at peace, I'm free. Nothing can bother me, nothing can hurt me, it's just Angel and me.

Forever. Always.

**A/N: Ok…. I was having a bit of trouble with this one actually, but I wanted to show Buffy's feelings, rather then *****cough*** **describing what happens!! tehe…**

**Anywho… hope you all like this, if you did please review. I love getting feedback! Feed the muse!!**

**Cheers**

**Lia**


	5. Monster

**A/N: Season 2 Halloween madness. This one is for Silverspoon!**

Monster

It was a struggle; I had to search half the town before I found her in an alley behind the Bronze. A young man with a peg leg and an eye patch was harassing her. I growl softly, letting my face shift to show the demon within as I stalk towards them. He grabs her around the arms and pushes her roughly against the wall. She screams in terror. I pick up the pace and jump over a pile of trashcans as I run towards them. I growl again, a snarl of anger and grab the man by the scruff of the neck. Without another thought I pull him violently away from her and throw him into the wall. Not particularly caring whether I hurt him or not.

I turned then and looked at Buffy as she huddles against the wall. Her dress is torn along the sleeves and neckline and I could see a large bruise forming on her forearm, but otherwise she was unhurt. I reach out to help her to her feet but she gives a soft cry of alarm and edges away from me "Please…oh please " she whimpers "Don't hurt me"

I freeze instantly, partly from shock, partly because I don't want to scare her anymore. I look down at her and make my voice as non-threatening as possible "It's ok.." I tell her softly "We're friends, I won't hurt you"

"But you're a monster" she whispers softly

I hesitate for a moment "So is the man that just attacked you" I tell her reasonably

She frowns in concentration and glances over at the man slumped against the opposite wall. "No, he is human" she tells me with conviction

I raise my eyebrows "Do you always judge someone on their appearance?"

She frowns at me again and I sigh softly. I relax and let the muscles in my face shift back to their human guise "I won't hurt you" I tell her again as I hold out my hand "You have my word as a vampire" I give a little smirk

She looks up into my eyes then, searching my face for any lies. Finally, after what felt like a lifetime she places her hand in mine and I pull her gently to her feet. She gazes up at me "Thank you" she tells me softly, her voice showing her confusion, and her reservations.

I smile down at her "What are monsters for!"

**A/N: I love putting little messages in my fic's, it makes it fun! This one is a bit short i know, but it was a spur-of-the-moment fic, I think it turned out quiet well actually! At least i hope so! Thanks so much to everyone who is reading and reviewing! Gives a girl inspiration to write more!**


	6. It's time to forget

**A/N: How I think the last bit of the Angel season 1 episode "I will remember you" should have gone… angst warning… get your tissues ready people!**

It's time to forget

The Oracles words resonate through my mind as I take the lift down to my apartment. _We swallow this day, as though it had never happened. Twenty-four hours from the moment the demon first attacked you, we take it back._

Is it the right thing to do? I think so…

I'm no use to her like this, a man, I'm no use to anyone.

I have been useless before, as a human I was a drunk and a scoundrel, more interested in loose women and whiskey then being responsible. During those mind-numbing decades I spent wandering the sewers i avoided everyone, cut myself off from the world so i wouldn't have to face what i had done. It wasn't until Whistler found me that I began to see the light again, I found my purpose... it was her.

Being useless doesn't sit so well with me anymore.

So I asked them to swallow the day…take back the one thing in this world that I wanted. I gave up my human life, so that she could live for a few more years. It broke my heart, but I would do it a thousand times again if it meant that she would be safe.

The funny thing is… my beating heart is alot more delicate then it used to be.... it really does feel like it's broken. Once they swallow the day, and make me a vampire again... a broken heart will not seem so bad. Ironic really when you think about it.

The elevator grinds to a noisy halt. I really need to oil the hinges…. I open the cage doors and walk into the apartment. Buffy is pacing around the kitchen. Her arms are folded across her chest she looks worried. She glances up when she see's me and hurries over. She wraps her arms around my waist and hugs me, burying her head against my chest "Angel! Where have you been! I've been so worried" she sniffs

"I…"

She seems to sense my mood and pulls back "What is it?" she asks flatly. There was no way I was getting out of this one.

"I went to the Oracles"I told her softly

"The Oracles? Why?"

"I asked them to turn me back. Back into a vampire…"

The look on her face mirrors the horror and pain on my own "No! Angel! No… why would you do that?" she asks me frantically

"I almost died today Buffy! I almost died and you almost died trying to protect me! I'm no use to you as a human." I practically shout, my chest heaving with each breath

"So you're just going to give it up! After everything we've shared this past 24 hours! Your just going to throw it all away!" she stops and I see the tears running down her cheeks "Do I mean so little to you?" she whispers, her voice so soft I can barely hear her.

My heart breaks. The last thing I have ever wanted to do was cause her pain. "Buffy… you know that's not true! You mean more to me then my own life! Don't you see? I would give up all the happiness in the world if it would make you safe! If I'm human how can I do that?"

"I'm the slayer! I don't need protection!" she snaps at me

I take a step towards her and put my hands gently on her shoulders "Buffy:The Slayer might not need protecting, but Buffy the woman… I think she does occasionally…" I whisper softly

She looks away, but I can still see the tears as they run down her cheeks. She is weeping, sobbing her heart out.

"So what's going to happen now?" she whispers

I swallow nervously "I asked them to take back the day. None of this will happen. They will leave me with the memory so that I can prevent it from happening again…"

"So that's it…. I won't remember any of this" she interrups me with a scowl

"No… you will" I say simply

"What" she asks, blinking in confusion "You just…"

"They didn't want you to remember, but I convinced them to let you keep the memories as well" I looked at her sadly. "This was not easy for me Buffy, I did this to keep you safe." I take a deep breath and steady myself "But I couldn't do that to you. To take these memories from you… it's wasn't right for me to be able to remember this perfect day if you couldn't"

She's looking at me wide eyed "I'll still remember?" her voice whispers the words like a prayer

I nod silently

She sniffs and buries her head against my chest again "I… thank you" she whispers softly "Thank you for letting me remember"

I slowly glance up at the clock then. It's time. There is a flash of light and suddenly we are both in my office. My skin is cool, my heart still. I can smell her blood and hear the sound of her beating heart, I shudder and shake my head, my nostrils twitch and I realize I'm hungry. I feel like weeping.

I glance up and find Buffy staring at me, there are tears in her eyes and I know she is remembering too.

"Buffy…" I start to say

She shakes her head frantically "Don't Angel!"

At that moment the Morah demon comes crashing through the window, sending shattered glass everywhere. I quickly grab the sword on my desk and lunge towards the demon, embedding the sword deep into the stone in the middle of the demon forehead. There is a flash of light from the stone and the demon crumples to the floor dead.

I glance up at Buffy then. Unsmiling. It's done. It's finished.

Now it's time to forget.

**A/N: It might come as a shock to some of you B/A supporters, but I actually don't really like this episode. I found it incredibly sad! I also have major issues with Angel's decision... *grumbles* why can't he just be a sefish bastard like everyone else huh!! Is it to much to ask?? **

**I actually had a bit of a tear in my eye as I was writing this… Jesus I'm such a sap!!! I hope I at least made some of you go "Awww" I always try to get a reaction, whether it's a happy or sad one I'm not really fussed. As long as it's not a barf reflex…**

**Anyway… please review, and thanks for reading!**

**Lia**


	7. Slayers

**A/N: Set late season 2 a conversation between Buffy and Angelus. A bit of violence in this chappie, not graphic, but be aware this one is a bit dark.**

Slayers

I duck the punch thrown at me and retaliate with a spinning kick that hits Angelus directly in the stomach, sending him stumbling backwards. I'm breathing hard after only 10 minutes of fighting. He's strong, stronger then any other vampire I have faced.

And I can't kill him.

Angelus rushes me again and I step to the side quickly, he's fast and turns almost instantly, this time his fist connects with my shoulder. I hear a snap and cry out as I stumble to the side. I glance up and find him watching me with those piercing black orbs, a smirk on his face. I scowl at him

"And here I was thinking Spike was the one into slayers?" I hiss

He laughs "You know nothing about me Buff" he smirks "The soul you knew is gone, and it's never coming back" He looks me up and down "I never did thank you for that.." he muses quietly to himself.

I glare at him "You just seem like the type of vamp who is more into the sneaking and less with the fighting" I say honestly

I'm stalling, but my shoulder is broken and if I'm going to get out of this alive I need to pace myself.

He chuckles softly, I've amused him, Damn! " Well… yeah I admit, I like to take it slow" he tells me with a learing smirk " But that doesn't mean I hate the fight, or that Spike is the only one who has killed himself a Slayer"

He grins and again the realization that this is not Angel hits me like a ton of bricks. I feel like crying and quickly blink the tears away.

"What do you mean?" I ask confused "You haven't killed any slayers!"

"Haven't I?" his voice is like steel. He's angry, his moods shift to quickly for me to keep up. It scares me.

"No!" I say, with conviction "Giles looked, we all did after…" I pause to gather my thoughts "There is no mention of you killing any Slayers in the Watcher Diaries" I continue

He has that annoying half smile on his face again, the one that say's _I know something you don't_ and it's driving me crazy!

"No…well… there wouldn't be" he says

A feeling of dread creeps up my spine with his words. Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like this, at all!

"Why?" I ask him softly

He smirks "Because I killed the Watchers first"

My blood freezes, my breath catches in my throat. "What?" I croak, my voice is breaking, I can feel tears running down my cheeks and I can do nothing to stop them.

He laughs and walks a few steps away to lean casually against a tombstone "It's a funny thing really" he tells me "But the first thing a Slayer learns is that any family and friends are targets. It's better to give them up and keep them safe" he stares at me with those soulless eyes of his, I flinch.

"Good theory on paper, not really good in practice… you see without her friends and family her Watcher is her only connection to this world" he continues, oblivious to my pain.

He smiles then and it's the smile of a demon, a devil, one who revels in the destruction he causes "What happens when the watcher is gone?" he asks softly, chuckling "Her world is shattered, her hopes lost." He pauses "Some of them didn't even put up a fight! Broken from the inside it was almost to easy to kill them!"

I know he has more to say. He's staring at me, his eyes looking into my soul. Then he opens his mouth and I brace myself for the impact his words will have

"When I torture him do you think your Watcher will scream…or beg?" he asks me thoughtfully, tilting his head slightly he smirks evily.

That was the final straw; despite my shattered shoulder I rush him, hoping to tackle him to the ground. But he anticipated my reaction, steps out of the way, grabs me around the waist as I rush past and flips me over so I land flat on my back.

I groan and blink spots from my eyes as I look up into the handsome face of the man I loved. But it's Angelus who is the one that smiles down at me

"I will enjoy breaking you, and your Watcher, little Slayer.." he tells me softly before he turns and walks away, leaving me lying broken on the grass.

**A/N: Originally I was going to have Angel tell Buffy about the Slayers he had killed, maybe in a small scene during season 3 when they are in the mansion. But the more I thought of it the more I realized that it would be so much more…. chilling *smirks* if the news came from Angelus!**

**The fight was just a way for me to get them together, Angelus being unlikely to have a sit down conversation!**

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed it! Do you agree with my theory? Tell me, review!**

**Lia**


	8. Soul

Soul

I stared at the small, blonde haired vampire in disbelief. It couldn't be right. "You to we're involved?" I enquire softly, sneaking a glance at Angel out of the corner of my eye.

Darla smirks, a little quirk of her lips, enough to show fangs. "For several generations" she drawls, in a soft voice that still carries hints of the upper classes. She glances at Angel, her yellow eyes spoke of memories long past.

I swallow the lump in my throat, suddenly nervous. "How long?" I whisper softly, my voice quivering.

Darla laughs at me then, a little giggle of amusement. " 150 years" she whispers proudly. She looks at Angel then, and raises her eyebrows mockingly "We carved a path of destruction across Europe, so much blood and mayhem! Oh! He used to be such a bad boy! Remember Angelus! Budapest, turn of the century?" she laughs again.

I chill creeps up my spine "Angelus?" I whisper

"That's what he used to be called"

"It's Angel now!" I hear Angel snap annoyed. I turn towards him again and see that he is glaring at Darla. He feels my eyes on him and turns to glance at me, he is angry, but his eyes soften as they gaze at me.

"Oh yes…" whispers Darla, steel in her voice "It's always Angel now. Never Angelus! Not since those gypsy's gave you that filthy soul" she spits.

"A soul?" ok … now I'm confused! I look at Angel again "You have a soul?"

He looks away embarrassed "In 1898" he whispers "I fed of a gypsy girl, dumb as a post, but a favorite among her clan… they conjured up the perfect punishment for me…"

"Returning you're soul? Doesn't seem like a punishment to me?" I say annoyed

Darla laughs again "Stupid girl! When you become a vampire the demon takes you're body but it doesn't take you're soul. That just goes"

"You have no idea what it is like to have done the things I've done and to care" Angel whispers to me softly.

"So you left?" I whisper "You couldn't face the things you've done so you left?" I say to him, finally beginning to understand. Angel looks away avoiding my gaze.

"Yes" snaps Darla, her eyes hard as she glared at Angel in hatred "We we're together for 150 years, then a stupid soul makes him take of and leave" she pauses then, glaring at both of us "We were meant to be together forever!" she adds softly

"Wow" I breathe. I glance over at Angel and find him looking at Darla in confusion. He senses my eyes on him, turns and smiles at me. My heart skips a beat as I see the love in his eyes, I smile back at him "And I thought human guys were afraid of commitment!" I quip with a laugh "They have nothing on vampires!"

**A/N: I know this is an Angel/Buffy story, but I had to include Darla in this one, it was unavoidable. Plus Darla is cool!! I wanted to show the beginning of their relationship, how confused Buffy felt about Angel, and his soul…**

**The last paragraph was actually the basis of this fic, which I then fit into this scene. Hopefully it's not too much like the episode, I did try to change things honest, but it just ended up like this. Oh well….**

**Hope you all like it anyway..**


	9. Close your eyes

Close your eyes

For the first time in what felt like months I was aware of my surroundings. I felt the wind on my skin, I could taste the blood in my mouth, smell the jasmine in the garden.

Was this heaven?

No… it was close… it was home.

I blink the spots from my eyes and look around; A high stone ceiling is the first thing I see, then a flash of silver and a pair of large hazel eyes.

I try to focus. Small nose, plump lips, blonde hair…. A sword. "Buffy?" I whisper softly, confusion making my voice a croak. "Wha…. What's going on?"

She doesn't answer, instead she is staring at me in shock, her eyes are bright with unshed tears, her breath coming is gasps, as if she has just fought the hardest battle of her life…

The memories start to form then, small flashes, a fire in a factory, a dead girl and a snarling wolf, a bed full of roses, a charcoal drawing…

"No" I murmur, my eyes widening in shock "No…what have I done…" I whisper, my voice breaking.

Buffy blinks, finally coming out of her daze. She throws the sword away, which clatters against the stone floor and hurries over to me. She kneels down in front of me and wraps her arms around me "Angel…" she whispers, "It's you?"

I struggle to hear her voice as my mind is overcome with memories that are not entirely my own. I see myself at the top of a pair of stairs, standing in front of an arched window. Jenny is with me. We are talking but I cannot make out the words. I grab her and snap her neck…

"No!" I scream "Jenny!"

Buffy grabs my shoulders and gives me a shake "Angel! It wasn't you! It wasn't you!" she's sobbing.

I struggle to my feet and push myself away from her, she frowns and grabs my shoulders holding me close. I find myself crying onto her shoulder "I liked her…" I whisper softly "I liked her…" I sob painfully.

Buffy doesn't answer. She's looking at something over my shoulder. I'm suddenly become aware of a roaring sound, as if the fabric between this world and the next was opening up behind me…

I start to turn around but Buffy grabs my shoulders and stops me "Don't look" she whispers softly. I swallow nervously "Buffy…what's going on?" I ask softly.

She shakes her head, silently, I see the tears running down her cheeks and I start to get worried. She takes hold of my face with her small hands and caresses my cheek. She leans forward and gently brushes her lips against mine in a brief kiss

"Do you trust me" she whispers softly.

I blink at her in confused, and then nod my head silently "With my very life" I whisper

She gives a wretched sob, and takes a few steps away from me. She picks up the sword that is lying on the ground and turns to look me in the eye

"Close your eyes" she tells me softly, her eyes filling with tears.


	10. Heart

**A/N: After "Sanctuary" Angel's thoughts as he drives to Sunnydale before "The Yoko Factor"**

Heart

As a human I used to hurt people with my fists, one punch to the nose and blood would flow, it was a rush. I used to love a good fight, a good drink and a few good women. I could and did have everything I ever wanted, money, liquor, sex. I had everything… except someone in my heart.

As a demon I could hurt people with my fangs, and my hands. I knew how to cause pain. I could make them scream for hours, beg and plead until in the end they wanted to die. My taste for destruction earned me the title "The Scourge of Europe" and made me one of the most feared vampires in history. I loved to break minds, spirits and bodies. It was a good existence; I had power, and fame and more then one willing woman in my bed. I had everything… except someone in my heart, but that was fine with me!

As a vampire with a soul I know how to hurt people with my words, lashing out and causing more pain then the demon, or the man ever did. I found I could hurt her with my words far more effectively then I ever could with fists or fangs. My guilt and shame haunt me, my fear keeps me fighting, and my memories keep me strong. I have nothing… except someone in my heart.

Pretty soon, I won't even have her.


	11. Angel or star

**A/N: Christmas discussion, Season 3 during "Amends"**

Angel or Star

It was Christmas Eve, carols were playing, yours truly was decorating the tree and the fire was crackling merrily in the hearth. I frown "Mum!" I exclaim, looking over as she poked the logs on the fire "it's like boiling outside!"

Mum brushes the wood shaving from her hands and stands up. She puts her hands on her hips and gives me that look, the one that only mothers can give their daughters "It's tradition Buffy!" she tells me with a smile

I roll my eyes and look through the box of Christmas decorations. I smile as I come across an absolutely gorgeous purple bauble with a silver lace bow. I look around for the perfect spot and grin as I place it between a twinkling star and a candy cane. I take a step back and admire my handiwork. "Damn I'm good!" I tell mum with a laugh "there should be a job for 'Christmas tree decorator!' " I tell her " I would rock!"

She laughs "Well… yes. But it's not quiet finished"

I'm only listening with half an ear, and not really paying attention as I gaze at the beautiful tree.

"So…" said Mum "Angel on top again?"

"Humph" I mutter. Then what she said suddenly registers and I whip my head around startled "What!" I gasp

Mum blinks at me and raises her eyebrows with a bemused smile "Angel or Star?" she asks holding out the two ornaments that sit atop the tree.

I let out the breath I was holding and give a shaky laugh "Oh" I bite my lip and look down quickly so mum can't see the memories in my eyes.

"Angel" I tell her softly, a small smile gracing my lips as I reach out and take the ornament from her hands. I look down at the Angel's red and gold dress and brush my hand over her soft feather wings.

"Definitely the angel" I whisper as a tear trails down my cheek.

**A/N: Merry Christmas all!!**


	12. Phoenix

**A/N: Buffy's thoughts at the end of season 3 as Angel walks away…**

Phoenix

I smile softly as I watch Giles walk away towards the ambulance. Wesley is inside, whimpering and moaning, I shake my head in amusement, amazed at all the fuss he was making over a few bruises and scratches.

Suddenly I feel a tingle up my spine, a chill of anticipation, my slayer senses are on red alert. I turn slowly, my eyes searching for what my body can already feel. I look through the smoke and the crowd of people milling around the emergency vehicles, I know he is here somewhere, waiting, watching, just like he always does.

Then I see him, a few yards away shrouded in smoke, his dark clothing helping him blend into the night. I swallow the suddenly painful lump in my throat as I stare at him, I can't look away, I'm afraid if I blink he will just disappear. His eyes are bright, and I realize he is struggling not to cry.

This comes as a surprise, he is always so in control, so calm and collected, the only other time I have seen him close to tears was that time on the cliff, when the first evil tormented him with visions of those he had murdered.

He is not in control now. I sigh softly, and wipe a stray tear from my cheeks, he always made it sound so easy and I hated him for that. I hated how he could just walk away, and not seem to care. Clearly I was wrong; obviously love has the same profound all-consuming effect on vampires as it does on humans.

It makes me wonder just how much this effects him, how much of all this sorrow and rage and misery is just simmering under the surface, waiting to be released…

It's been tough; god has it been tough! It was touch and go there for a while; at times I wasn't sure I would make it. I didn't think I could live without him, I didn't _want_ to live without him!

But now I realize that it's for the best, Nothing but pain and misery can come from us being together, no one can be expected to put up with that, not even a Slayer or a vampire with a soul. Everyone deserves some happiness, and if that means we need to stay apart…well…then I think it is for the best. Our love consumed us, like a fire it burned and burned until all that was left was a pile of ashes.

I'm crying softly as I watch him turn and walk away into the night. It won't be the last time I see him, but things will be different now. They will always be different now… as much as it hurts I need to let him go. I let the fire consume me; I let it turn me to ash. Now it's time to be reborn, like a phoenix, I will rise from the ashes…

And I'll be stronger for it.

**A/N: I just wanted to show that love, while good and powerful and fantastic ( smirks ) can also be dangerous. Before you know it you can be consumed. It really is like a fire.**

**I don't know if I really explained the ending that well, I had a bit of trouble putting my thoughts into words, oh well….**

**Hope it didn't suck to much!**


	13. Mr sensitivity

**A/N: So after going through the previous chapters, and the chapters I have yet to post I realised, with some heartache that almost all were angst! I know horrific right? So this particular chapter is my attempt to write something light and totally fluffy! It's not my best i admit. Inspired by the Angel S1 episode "Sense and Sensitivity" take it as seriously as you would like!**

Mr. Sensitivity

_"This is Buffy's phone, Obviously I'm Buffy!, leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I get back! Have a peachy day!!"_

I clear my throat "Um… Buffy, it's Angel" I take a deep calming breath "All this pain inside me is just building and building, and the talking stick said I should probably to talk to someone, you know, get my feelings out! And I figured, hey a talking stick would know about these kinds of things, right! So… I'm talking, and hopefully you're listening" I cough "If your not, well then that is very rude of you!"

I take another breath to calm myself " I feel for you Buffy, every part of me screams to hold you tight, to feel your skin against my own, but well….we both know how that turns out!"

"You understand don't you?" I whisper softly against the mouthpiece "I hope you do. You see I really, really don't want to be evil… it's so depressing, not to mention those leather pants chafe in all the wrong places! Also maintaining a high degree of personal grooming is hard when you're covered in blood. Does evil even consider the dry cleaning bill? No, it certainly doesn't!"

"You understand right…why we can't be together….. it's the evil demon inside me that wants to kill you! He is the one keeping us apart! He is so inconsiderate, does he ever consider my feelings, no! It's always about him, everything has to be done his way!" I growl softly

"Selfish bastard!"

_Beep_

"_End of message"_


	14. Rampant

**A/N: My take on a scene from the Angel S4 episode "Cavalry" Angel is Angelus**

Rampant

I whistle softly as I walk down the street. An abandoned fire truck is sitting in the middle of the road, a few feet away two cars sit mangled and wrecked, and one is on fire. From a few blocks away I hear a piercing scream of terror and I smirk in satisfaction at the destruction and chaos around me.

As I walk further along I see two vampires standing under a nearby streetlight, both are in full vamp-face and are doing nothing to hide that fact, despite them being in full view of any passers buy. They are arguing quiet animatedly and I roll my eyes in annoyance, I hate dealing with fledglings, every one of them has no concept of destruction, no insight of what being a demon is really about, all they want to do is eat! I'm about to just ignore them and walk past when a snippet of their conversation reaches my ears and catches my attention quicker then you can say the word 'Slayer'

"I'm telling you dude" the one with the green Mohawk was telling his mate "The little bitch sent me straight into the side of the wall, didn't even break a sweat! Then she dusted Billy Bob, like he was… well something that is made of dust!"

" Seriously?" the other drawled in a southern twang "Dude! That sucks!"

Mohawk nodded frantically "I'm telling ya man, this chick, she's a Slayer!!"

I growl low is my throat at the mention of _that_ word. I turn around swiftly and grab Mr. Mohawk by the scruff of his neck and slam him bodily into the side of one of the building lining, an angry snarl ripping through my teeth.

"Hey dude!" he yells, shocked

"Shut up" I growl, my face changing swiftly as I push my face up against his "Tell me what you know about the Slayer!"

The vampire struggles at first, but I snarl and slam him up against the wall again, his head cracks against the bricks and I smell blood. The vampire howls in pain "Why did you do that for man!" he whines pathetically "I was gonna tell ya!"

"Start talking" I snap, pushing him violently away from me. I glare at him and fold my arms across my chest.

The vampire stumbles against the wall but quickly picks himself up "She turned up with this English poser a few hours ago" he mutters to me "Kicked my ass good and dusted a few of me buddies, I only just managed to get away!" he pouts.

I look him over, a scowl on my face. The bastard is telling the truth, I can't smell any lies. I growl under my breath "Get gone" I snap, jerking my head to the side. The two fledglings waist no time, within seconds they are at the end of the street.

I sigh annoyed and run a hand through my hair in frustration. This is all I need, the Buff on my tail! I look around me and spot a pay phone not too far away; I smirk and walk towards it. I dig in my pocket for some change and wait impatiently while the machine connects to the number I have dialed from memory.

Ring… ring… ring…

"Hello?" it's an unfamiliar voice on the other end, I'm a bit stumped, and pissed!

"Who's this?" I ask angrily with a barely suppressed growl

"Angel?" the voice asks in confusion "Is that you?"

I smirk to myself "Yeah… it's me!"

"It's Dawn,"

Dawn…Dawn the name doesn't ring any bells. Odd. "Oh Dawn!" I exclaim "It's you, I didn't recognize you over the phone!" I lie swiftly

She gives a little giggle "That's ok, everyone say's I sound so much more mature over the phone then I do normally!"

I roll my eyes at that, quiet relieved I don't have a clue who this little brat is "Hey… Buffy isn't there is she?" I ask slowly, trying to make the question casual.

"Yeah, she is!" Dawn exclaimed excitedly "I'll just get…"

I hang up on her and snarl. " Dammit!" I mutter to myself "It's the other one!"

I turn around and start to walk away when the pay phone starts to ring. I stop and turn back around in annoyance. I frown, my brows knitting together and I let out a frustrated snarl. I stalk back across the street and snatch up the handset.

"What" I bark into the receiver, not really in the mood for pleasentries

"Angel? It's Buffy… Dawn said you wanted to speak to me?"

I chuckle "Nah… I'm just messing with you Buff"

"Buff… since when…" she cut's herself off and I can practically hear the gears turning in her head. I smirk.

She sighs softly "Angelus…."

"Never could fool you could I?" I whisper seductively

"I felt you." She admits softly " In my soul…"

I grin " Sure it wasn't somewhere else Buff? I bet you would just love to…."

"Stop it" she snaps, "Just don't say any more!" I can tell she is struggling back the tears. She takes a deep breath "How did this…"

I cut her off "You mean _who_ did?" I ask with a chuckle. I hear her suck in a startled breath and I laugh evilly "Don't worry that pretty little head of yours Buff, it was a spell!"

She sighs in relief and I grin "Now… I gotta go…. places to destroy, people to eat, a slayer to kill… you know how it is…"

She gasps in horror "Angelus… "

I laugh at her "No rest for the wicked Buff! See ya around!" I grin as I slam the receiver down into the cradle. Then I turn around and saunter down the street, my hands stuffed in my pockets. I hear the pay phone start to ring again; it's shrill call piercing the still night. I ignore it and keep walking down the street as I whistle an old Irish tune about a boy called Danny…

**A/N: It always bothered me how even though Angelus wasn't around when the monks made Dawn he still remembers her. To me it would have made much more sense if only Angel was the one to remember her. Especially because Angel couldn't remember the Beast! Stupid memory spells!!**

**How do you like my fledgling vamp? I have a soft spot for him…. Mohawks are awesome and I liked it when he called Angelus 'Dude!' Hehe…**

**Anywhoooo… if you liked review! If you didn't well… review and tell me why!!**

**Cheers,**

**Lia**


	15. Salvation, damnation

**A/N: Angel's thoughts as he drinks from Buffy at the end of 'Graduation Day part 2' This is one of my favorite episodes, and this scene one of the most powerful in the series. I hope you enjoy!!**

**Um… it's a tad on the 'erotic' side, and is also a bit violent, though nothing to grapic! Sorry… couldn't help myself! tehe**

Salvation, damnation

I groan softly and slowly open my eyes a crack. I can just make out the blurry outline of the person sitting beside me on the bed. I inhale deeply, vanilla, leather and the tinge of metal and wood invade me senses, it's her.

"Buffy?" I whisper, my voice a dry croak "It's you!"

I can just make out the ghost of a smile as she looks down at me "Yeah" she whispers faintly, her voice is thick with unshed tears.

I reach up slowly, concerned and brush my thumb against her lower lip and across her cheek "You're bleeding" I whisper, my eyes focusing on the small trickle of blood in the corner of her mouth.

I swallow nervously, glancing away embarrassed. She smiles down at me "It's nothing!" she tells me with a dismissive wave of her hand and a shake of her head.

I frown again, something about her is not right, she hasn't looked me in the eye once "What's wrong' I ask quietly, dreading the answer that will come.

She looks down and scrunches her fist into the blankets "We found a cure" she whispers quietly.

I blink in surprise and try to sit up. I brace my palms against the mattress and struggle to push myself up. The pain is unbearable, my whole body is aching, I'm shaking and sweating, I gasp in pain and in the end Buffy puts her arm around my shoulders and helps me up. I sit there panting for breath, Buffy wipes my hair from my forehead and I glance up at her "What is the cure?" I whisper softly, my voice only a croak.

She hesitates and I feel my heart sinking "A Slayers blood" she tells me, her voice laced with tears.

I'm stunned, my fever racked brain taking a few seconds to process this shocking news "Faith?" I whisper, my heart aching at the thought.

She shakes her head "I tried" she whispers to me softly and I see her wipe a tear from her face. "I killed her, I stabbed her in the gut and she fell from the roof" she sobs. I reach out and slowly run my hand down her arm.

"It's ok" I whisper to her soothingly "This is how it is meant to be…"

"What!" she snaps, looking at me with suddenly angry eyes "No Angel, you can't just give up like this? I'm not letting you die!"

"It's ok Buffy" I tell her again "Really…"

She shakes her head stubbornly, her mouth set in a determined little scowl and I watch with growing dismay as she unzips her jacket, exposing the black strappy top underneath and sweeps her hair back "Drink" she tells me stonily.

I stare, my shock slowly turning too horror as I realized what she was prepared to do. I shake my head, she reaches for me and grabs me around the shoulders "Drink me!" she yells, her eyes locked with mine.

"No…" I mutter pushing myself away from her "No…get away!" I scramble out of the bed, falling heavily to the floor. She moves towards me with a concerned look on her face but I scramble away and pushing myself painfully to my feet I run into the hall.

I stumble into the door of the atrium and lean against it for a moment. The arrow wound in my shoulder is burning with pain. I take a few stumbling steps and fall in a heap on the floor. I lay their gasping for a few minutes before Buffy calmly walks into the room and helps me to my feet, this time I don't even try to push her away, it's all I can do to stay on my feet … I'm so weak. "Angel… please, I can do this!" she pleads.

I shake my head and look down at her "I can't Buffy" I whisper "I just can't… please don't make me"

She blinks back tears "I can't let you die!" she yells "Not again! I can't loose you again Angel, I won't!" She digs her nails into my arms so hard she draws blood; I look at her in confusion.

"Buffy…" I whisper concerned

Suddenly her arm snaps forward and she punches me squarely in the jaw. My head whips to the side and I gasp in pain, I turn back to face her, but before I can say anything she punches me again. I stumble this time and slump against the coffee table "Why are you doing this?" I ask her softly as I turn to look at her.

Her fist slams into the corner of my mouth and I feel my flesh tear as the skin scrapes against my teeth. I feel my face change as the blood from my lip touches my tongue. I growl softly, and snarl as I turn to face her. She looks up at me with those large hazel eyes of her and pushes her hair behind her shoulders; tilting her head to the side she takes a step towards me. I can smell and hear the blood that flows through her veins; I grab her around the arms and jerk her towards me. I press my cold body against hers, feeling the warmth radiating from her skin, I growl softly and bend down to sniff her soft neck.

"Angel…" Buffy whispers

I can feel my will slipping, feel the demonic force inside me waiting to break free. I start to shake "I can't… Buffy… please" I murmur against the skin of her throat. I try to move away, but she grabs my arms and holds me tighter.

"It's ok Angel…. Just drink" as she talks the skin across her throat brushes against my fangs. It's too much; I growl savagely and tighten my hold around her slim frame. I hear her heartbeat speed up as she suddenly realizes that I'm no longer in control. I feel her small body shake slightly as she struggles with her instincts to run.

I don't give her a chance my movements are so swift. The tender flesh of her neck tears easily as I sink my fangs deep into her flesh. I hear her gasp, a frightened little sound as she clings to me as I quickly gulp down her sweet life's essence.

I can feel myself becoming more and more aroused with each swallow. Her blood is intoxicating, powerful and full of life. I press myself against her and hear her groan softly as I rub myself against her. She is starting to weaken now, her legs start to buckle and because I'm leaning heavily against her, we fall to the floor in a tangled heap.

I'm lying on top of her, my fangs buried in her neck, my body pressed close to hers when suddenly, surprisingly I feel her small hands grip my hips tightly, she groans again and lifts one of her legs to wrap around my waist.

I feel her body shudder violently and the sweet smell of her orgasm hits me a second later, I growl and grip her arms tighter. She gives a contented sigh and lets her leg fall to the floor. I can hear her heartbeat start to slow; it's steady rhythm getting fainter and fainter.

The knowledge that I'm slowly, but steadily killing her finally gives me the strength and the will too push through the bloodlust and the fever. I pull my fangs from her flesh and jerk away; rolling onto my back on the floor next to her. I take deep unneeded breaths as I start to feel her blood beginning to heal me. My thoughts become clearer and the knowledge of what I have done hits me like a ton of bricks. I turn to look at her.

She is lying motionless on the cold stone floor. A sudden panic overwhelms me and I lunge towards her "Buffy" I yell seizing her shoulders and shaking her. I press my fingers to the side of her neck, searching for a pulse. I silence my impulsive breath and close my eyes in concentration. A small flicker under my fingers, the barest of movement feels like a prayer. I scoop her up into my arms, cradling her head against my shoulder I race out the door.

She has just saved my life, now it is my turn to save hers.

**A/N: tada! Hope you liked it. Please, please review if you did!!!**


	16. The perfect day

**A/N: Slight AU, though I doubt any of you will have any objections! That 'dream wedding' scene from season 3, I've forgotten if it was Angel's or Buffy's dream.**

The perfect day

I gazed at the lovely, handsome, well-built man standing before me. His broad shoulders obscuring my view of the chapel behind him as I stared up at him. He looked at me through dark, soulful eyes, full of compassion and trust. He loved me, with all of his heart.

I was so lucky; so many women didn't even get that. Here I was, standing by the Alter, my white dress flowing elegantly around me. Making me look beautiful, radiant…a silver goddess. That's what he called me anyway.

His face teased me, his lips curling up into a happy smile as he took my slender hand in his and gracefully slipped the simple silver wedding band on my finger. I felt the happy tears prickle the corner of my eyes as I blinked frantically, trying to prevent them from ruining my carefully applied mascara. I sniffed and looked up at him, my face showing my pleasure and joy as I stared at the man I have always loved, and will always need. This strong man, now my husband, let me put his ring on his finger and allowed himself to be pulled down for a passionate, but reserved kiss. We we're in a church after all, and I doubted if the lord wanted to see a make-out session!

Angel took my hand in his and lovingly guided me down the stairs. We walked down the aisle hand in hand, on either side my friends and family beamed back at us, their smiles happy and joyous. Towards the back of the church a tall hard-faced man stood with a pale dark-haired woman and a young adolescent girl. The mother and daughter were smiling broadly, the little girl waved at me and laughed. The man followed our movements with his eyes, his face impassive. Beside me Angel stared at the man impassively, finally he inclines his head, acknowledging the man with a nod, but his eyes were wary. The strange man gave a short nod of return, his lips finally turning up slightly at the corner in a smile of acceptance.

The next moment I blinked and all three are gone.

I look up at Angel startled but he doesn't seem to notice, a smile tugs at his lips as he glances down at me and hastily brushes the single tear from his cheek. As we reach the large double doors of the church Angel pauses. I don't even have a chance to ponder his actions before he scoops me up in his strong arms and carried me out the door and down the steps.

He walks out into the sun and towards the white stretch limousine that has the words 'just married' written in white paint on the back window. I look up into my husband's bright eyes, reach up to brush the hair away from his face and raise my head to kiss him softly. His skin is warm from the sun, a slight blush colors his cheeks as he gasps for breath. I laugh at him and he chuckles softly.

He set's me on my feet and pulls me towards him, wrapping his strong arms around my delicate frame. I lean my head against his chest, above the place where his heart beats a steady drum.

**A/N: So sweet and fluffy. Gotta love it! Oh yeah, those people Angel and Buffy saw at the back of the Church are Angel's parents and his sister Kathy. I've had a few reviews asking about them and just wanted to clarify!!**

**Please review if you liked it!**


	17. First impressions

**A/N: Sorry about the delay in the posting of this chapter, the day's just kinda got away from me! lol. Anyway this is kinda a re-write of Buffy and Angel's first meeting in 'Welcome to the Hellmouth' i've just tried to get into Buffy's head with this one, and show how she first felt about Angel.**

First Impressions

The town was quiet as I slowly walked down the street; I was wearing a blue button-down shirt that was two sizes too big, over a white tank and a pair of my favorite jeans. My black boots complimented the whole ensemble. My hair was up in a messy bun to keep it out of my eyes. I looked damn hot!

Willow had asked if I would meet her at the Bronze, an underage club at the other end of town, that was apparently the only good place to hang out around here! I had agreed, somewhat reluctantly, unwilling to strike up a friendship I knew couldn't last.

I was only a block away from the club when I hear soft footsteps someway behind me. I frown to myself and continue to walk at a steady pace; when I turn a corner and hear the footsteps change direction I know I am being followed.

I pick up the pace and quickly duck into the nearest alley; I look around frantically as I hear the footsteps quicken as I disappear from view. I glance around and notice some pipes extending from the side of the buildings over the alley, they are a few feet above my head, but not out of reach. I crouch slightly and then jump into the air, I grab the bar with my hands, then swing my legs over so I'm pretty much dong a handstand on the pipe, 6 feet above the ground! It is a perfect gymnastic pose! Mum would be so proud, go me!

I hear the footsteps slow as they come to the mouth of the alley. I hold my breath as I see the silhouette of a man appear. I can just make out his strong cheekbones and mop of dark hair as he slowly walks into the alley and stops directly below me.

I smile to myself, this couldn't be more perfect. I swing my legs down and kick out fast, hitting him in the chest hard enough to send him tumbling backwards to the floor, I let go of the pipe, turn a quick somersault in the air and land deftly a few feet from his toes. He groans softly and looks up at me from his position on the ground, he puts his hand on the back of his head and massages his skull wincing slightly. "It's not what you think.." he mutters to me softly.

I raise my eyebrows and fold my arms across my chest, "Oh.." I mutter "What would that be?" I ask

He sits up slowly, and gets to his feet, wincing slightly. He towers over my small, slight frame but I try not to let my surprise show as he looks me in the eye, gives a cheeky little smirk and answers with "I don't bite!"

I frown in suspicion and glare at him " And here I thought you were following me!" I say with a glare. He looks away embarrassed

"Ok so maybe I was…" he turns back to face me with wide eyes "But not for the reason you think!"

I continue to glare at him and he sighs "It's dangerous out here, a girl like you walking around alone."

"So you were concerned for my safety" I ask sarcastically

He looks me straight in the eye, his dark eyes boring into mine. "Yes" he says simply and without the slightest trace of emotion. It was a simple fact.

I regard him for a second, before I give a soft snort and turn my back on him "Encase you haven't noticed.." I say over my shoulder as I walk away "… I don't need your help!"

A hand on my arm stops me in my tracks, he turns me to face him, his touch gentle but strong. It sends shivers up my spine. I look up at him, my eyes searching through the shadows until I can just make out the harsh planes of his face and the hollows of his eyes, He takes a step forward into the light and his brown eyes glare down at me in fury

"Don't be a fool!" he hisses angrily

I glare at him and yank my arm from his strong grip, taking a step away "I can take care of myself!"

"The harvest is coming!" he tells me simply

"What" I ask confused

He gives me a look of contempt and reaches into his pocket "Ask your Watcher" he tells me simply, tossing a small silver box at me.

I catch it automatically and look down at my hands, when I glance up he is nowhere to be seen. I frown and look around annoyed. Then I glance down at the little box and flip the lid.

Nestled on a pillow of white satin is a delicate simple silver cross, it is beautiful but it makes me worried, he knows about Giles, and his gift was a cross. What was he playing at?

I take the cross and slip the empty box in my pocket. I unclasp the chain and slip it around my neck; I play with it until it settles just right on my neck. It really is a beautiful gift, too bad the guy was such an arrogant bastard!

I sigh softly, and ground my teeth together in fustration, he sure was a cutie, and he definetly knew it!

**A/N: Ok personally i don't think Buffy liked Angel as soon as she saw him, she would have noticed how he looked ( i mean who wouldn't!) but she also would have found him terribly annoying and arrogent! lol and that would have made her all the more annoyed that she thought he looked cute! hehe...**

**I hope you all liked this, i know it's not my best...but i wanted to give this scene a go. please review!**

**xoxo**

**Lia**


	18. Love hurts

**A/N: Angelus's thoughts after the Buffy season 2 episode "I only have eye's for you" remember, the one where Buffy and Angelus are taken over by the spirits of two lovers!**

**Some of the dialogue you will recognize from the episode**

Love hurts

I crash through the wooden gate and practically jump down the stone stairs to the little courtyard below. Drusilla and Spike are their waiting for me to return. I ignore them as I run to the fountain, ripping my shirt off as I go and plunging my arms into the icy water, I start scrubbing at my arms and chest.

I feel dirty, unclean…

I feel human.

This does not sit well with me at all! I growl loudly as I rub my skin raw.

Spike and Du watch with wide, curious eyes. Spike purses his lips and raises an eyebrow "You might want to let up" he tells me dryly "They say when you've draw blood you've exfoliated!"

I snarl warningly "What do you know!" I snap annoyed " I'm the one that's been friggin' violated! You didn't have this thing in you!" I turn the tap off and walk past him in disgust, picking up my discarded shirt, I shrug it on.

I hate that slayer for what she has done to me, for how she made me feel. I would get her for this! I will make her pay, beg, I'm going to make her scream!

Dru wanders over and runs her hand slowly up my arm, I growl softly, She puts her hand on my chest, over my unbeaten heart and caresses the soft flesh, she looks up at with her large blue eyes. "What was it?" she asks curiously, her voice soft "A demon?"

"Love" I snap, disgusted

I can still feel it in me, the tenderness, the compassion, the humanity. It makes me feel sick, vulnerable and I hate it! I am a demon, Angelus, my mere name sends chills up the spines of everyone who hears it. I should not be feeling like this! I growl again.

Dru pauses and slowly take her hand from my chest, as if she was afraid to catch it "Poor Angel" she mutters, her voice taking on a childish innocence I normally find appealing. Not tonight, I growl again angrily and push her away from me, causing her to stumble. I turn my back on them and start to button my shirt.

"Let's go out somewhere!" I tell them, glancing over my shoulder I smirk and catch Dru's eye "I need a real vile kill to get this crap out of my system!" I say to her.

She giggles, her face lighting up in delight. She claps her hands gleefully and rushes towards me "Oh yes daddy!!" she exclaims "Let's find you a nice toddler" I chuckle darkly and watch as she sways in delight. I reach out, grab a hold of her waist and pull her towards me. Out of the corner of my eyes I see Spike's eyes narrow and he growls softly in anger.

I laugh "Come on Dru, let's go while the night is still young!"

She looks back at Spike "Is Spike coming?" she asks.

I grin, and move my arm so it encircles her slim waist "No can do Dru, I bet he'll be hell on wheels, but the sun is coming up soon, we need to hurry!"

I grin at Spike, loving the expression of anger, pain and horror that appears on his face. The mind is such a fragile thing, when you add emotion to it, the effects can be quiet entertaining, I glance at Dru and smile affectionately at her as I turn us around and start walking up the stairs.

I will enjoy breaking that little Slayer, twisting her mind, manipulating her emotions. She will pay for what she did too me, for how she made me feel! Nobody can make me feel that shit and expect to get away with it! I snarl to myself, grinning at the very thought of tearing her mind, this is going to be fun!

**A/N: This is one of my all time favorite episodes, it was so well written, the chemistry between Angelus and Buffy in this episode was just so powerful! It was intoxicating! I loved it. The last scene was particularly moving for me, because of Angelus reactions to feeling the love. Before this you thought Angelus hatred of Buffy was just that, hate, but after this you also realize it is fear, fear for the emotions she makes him feel.**

**Anywho… I hope you all enjoyed this, if you liked it please, please review!!**

**Cheers**

**Lia**


	19. She saved the world

**A/N: Angel's thoughts as he attends Buffy's funeral. Angst warning! Get those tissues ready…again!**

She saved the world

It's a few minutes after sunset, yet I make no effort to move. I'm sitting in the back of the Plymouth, a blanket around my feet. I'm staring out the window at the gates to one of Sunnydale's many cemeterys.

Wesley was kind enough to drive me, while Cordelia sat in the passenger seat. She told me she only came to get out of the office for the day, but I could see the smudged mascara under her eyes and smell the dried tears on her cheeks. She was fooling no one.

I look out the window for perhaps the tenth time in as many minutes and sigh softly. Wes turns around and looks at me with sympathy "We don't have to go in if you don't want to" he tells me softly. I know he to is struggling to hold back the tears.

I shake my head softly "No" I whisper "I need to do this!" Wes nods his head slowly in agreement and opens the door to get out. Cordelia gives me a soft smile and wipe's a budding tear from her eye.

"We'll be waiting for you, just come down when you're ready" she tells me softly, before opening her door and carefully stepping out in her black skirt and stiletto heals. Both doors close with soft clicks and I silently watch as Cordy takes Wes's hand for support and they both walk through the gates to the cemetery.

I can hardly believe that she is gone. She was only 20 years old, it's too soon! She had her whole life ahead of her, granted I know a Slayers life is shorter then the rest but she still should have lived for a few more good years. I can feel the tears coming in torrents now, soaking my cheeks with their salt water and I can do nothing to stop them. It shouldn't have ended like this!

I was meant to be there with her, I was meant to be there when she died! It was meant to be forever, always, what happened to our promises? What happened to our hope?

I gave up my humanity for her, I gave up my… no, _our_ one true chance of happiness to keep her safe, to keep her alive! My sacrifice only gave her two more years.

It really isn't fair!

Some protector I am, some champion! I'm a joke, I can't even keep the woman I love from dieing. I'm useless.

I take a deep unneeded breath and brush the tears from my cheeks. I slowly get out of the car and close the door behind me. I start to walk towards the graveyard, my steps getting heavier and heavier as I start to feel my 250 odd years for the first time.

As I walk past a strand of trees a small group of people comes into view, I walk over, my footsteps soft and silent. They are standing around an open grave, their faces streaked with tears.

It is dark and cold in the graveyard, the only light, coming from the silver moon in the sky. I come slowly into view. A young blonde girl, who is clutching Willow's arm tightly glances towards me and nudges Willow softly, jerking her head in my direction. Willow looks up, and gives a small hesitant smile as she catches sight of me. I walk into the circle and stand still, Willow takes a step towards me and slowly wraps her arms around me, pulling me close she gives me comforting hug. I lower my head and put my arms gently around her. "It's ok Willow, it's ok…"

When she steps back there are fresh tears running down her cheeks. She gives a shaky smile, sniffs and backs away. Taking the hand of the young girl again. I look around at the others. Dawn is leaning heavily on Giles arm, her face is streaked with tears and she is shaking softly as Giles wraps an arm around her. His face is pale and grim, his eyes shimmer but no tears fall. I know he is trying to be strong, for Dawn, for Willow and Xander, and for me.

I take a deep unneeded breath, my eyes flicker towards Cordy and Wes, they are on the other side of the grave. A single tear runs down Wesley's cheek and Cordy buries her face in her hands and weeps.

Xander is standing a few feet away. His arms are around a small little thing, her hair is a light brown, her face vaguely familiar. Xander mouth is set in a grim line, the girl is looking shocked.

I look down at my clasped hands and realize they are shaking; I'm shaking. I stumble and fall to my knees. My face shifts as I tilt my head up too the sky. I scream, roaring my pain and anguish to the heavens. "Buffy!"

The humans around me gasp in shock and I see the blonde girl stumble back in fear. But the others feel my pain and stand still. I bow my head and close my eyes, sobbing quietly.

Willow makes a soft, pained sound in the back of her throat and rushes towards me. She kneels down beside me and wraps her arms around my shoulders as I weep my sorrow. "Angel…Angel…stop, please stop" she whispers, her own tears making her voice a croak. I shake my head, unable to stop the tears. "I can't, I can't…." I mutter "I can't do this without her…" I cry.

The first raindrops hit the back of my head, just a drizzle but soon it is falling fast. Soaking my clothes and skin. Not one of us moves. My pants, and Willow's skirt are quickly soaked as the grass quickly turns into a puddle of mud. But nothing matters to me now, nothing.

Because on this dreadful night we bury the Slayer, and the heaven's themselves are crying their pain. The powers have lost their champion, and I have lost my hope, my love, my sweet little Buffy.

My sweet little Slayer.


	20. Passion

**A/N: A little re-wording of Angelus's iconic speech during the S2 episode "Passion", just a little fun. I've decided to try something new. Hope you all like it, please review!**

Passion

Passion. It's in all of us…. every twitch, every movement, every gesture. Every thought and feeling. Waiting…watching, always ready to consume us. Unwanted, unbidden….it stirs. Turns its head to the moon, open's it jaws and howls.

It speaks to us…whispering sweet words, it guides us…passion, it rules us all.

Every little thought, every action, every step is guided by our passions. What must we do, but obey? What other choice do we have?

Our finest moments are filled with passion. The joy of first love….that sweet clarity of hatred….the ecstasy of grief, the taste of pain.

It hurts, oh it hurts more then we can bear. But what do we do? We grit our teeth and take it. Without passion maybe we would know true peace? That final silence, a sense of calmness. Its tempting yes?

Without passion we would be hollow, a house full of empty rooms, shuttered and dank, an empty shell. Just waiting to be filled with light and laughter.

Without passion we'd be truly dead. Without passion, we wouldn't be human. No hopes, no dreams, no thoughts. Without passion we would be lost.

Passion. It rules us all.

It keeps us alive.


	21. Photograph

**A/N: Takes place during the Angel episode "Spin the bottle" Angel is Liam. Some of the dialogue is quoted from the episode!**

Photograph

I walk slowly down the large hall, my footsteps muffled by the lush carpet. I don't know what I'm looking for exactly; the English pomp said something about a vampire…

Clearly the English are crazy as well as stupid…

"I'm bored now"

I sigh in annoyance; the chatty brunette with the short hair was helping me look around. She was a looker, I'll give her that but she was far too talkative for my liking.

I'm about to reply when I hear a sound. I frown and stop so I can listen more clearly

"What are you…" Cordelia asks annoyed

"Shush!" I snap at her "I'm trying ta listen!"

She pouts and folds her arms across her chest annoyed. I ignore her and tilt my head to the side. It's music, coming from one of the rooms down the hall.

I quickly race down the hall and push open the door where I can hear the music coming from. I'm not expecting to see the beautiful noise radiating from a small black box. I frown in confusion and kneel down "What small minstrels" I whisper in awe, reaching out and poking the weird device.

The girl, Cordelia looks at me strangely and raises her eyebrows "You are far from home aren't you!" she announces

I glare at her and stand up. I look around the room curiously. There are a few paintings on the walls and beyond the glass doors I can see a large bed. The windows are covered with dark red fabric, and a large bookcase full of books and other odds is against the other wall.

Suddenly something on the mantelpiece catches my eye and I start forward. It's a painting of a young woman, but it is so lifelike, so flawless and clear…

"Nice photo" Cordelia comments as she pears over my shoulder

"A Photo?" I ask

"Yeah…" she gives me another strange look "You know her" she jerks her chin towards the picture.

I look closely at the picture, my eyes wander over her heart shaped face, her small nose and her large hazel eyes. They take in the silver cross hanging from her neck and the blonde fringe that framed her face. I swallow the lump in my throat. She is a goddess.

"No" I whisper softly "But I feel I should"

**A/N: I know quiet a few of you don't like Cordelia, but she is actually a fav character of mine, and I loved the brother/sister thing she and Angel had in the first 2 seasons of Angel, it should have stayed like that in my opinion. And that is all I'm going to say about that, or i'm just going to rant and it's not going to be pretty!**

**Anyway… this episode is one of my favorites, it was so funny and I loved Liam! I just had to include this little scene where he finds Buffy's picture in Angel's room and despite having no memory of her, his soul is still connected to hers. So sweet! Hope I made you all go "Awww"**

**If anyone else likes Liam I now have a Buffy/Liam fic going called "It's Always You" feel free to check it out, you won't be disappointed!**

**Please review if you liked it!**


	22. Dreaming of you, my love

**A/N: Sorry about the wait, the weeks just kinda got away from me. This scene is my version of that 'sexy dream' scene from the Season 3 episode 'Amends', this one is obviously a little smutty. lol**

Dreaming of you, my love

It had been a long, cold emotionally charged night when I wandered, exhausted up into the stacks at the back of the library and sat down against one of the bookcases. I wasn't having any luck in finding anything about what had been haunting Angel. Some part of me wondered if he was imagining things, if the hallucinations we're really just a manifestation of his fears of the demon inside him. But no…. after almost two and a half years on the Hellmouth I knew the difference between what was real and what was pure imagination. This was real, so very real and for some reason it had Angel in its sights. I needed to find this thing, quick, and kill it before it did any more damage to Angel's already fractured soul.

A cold shiver runs up my spine as I suddenly remember Angel's horrific dream, the one I had somehow wandered into. I remembered the young serving girl, her pleads of mercy and the look of absolute terror on her face as she looked into the demonic face of the vampire I wanted so badly to save. I shook my head and reminded myself, again; that it wasn't him. He had no more control over his actions then I do. It was the demon, and not the soul that did all those horrible, unspeakable things.

The look of pure, angelic pleasure on Angelus's face at that particular moment still haunted me; it was the same look Angel used to give me. Before that night in his apartment. He still gives me small smiles, but they are fleeting and the pleasure never reaches his eyes, he is too afraid of what whould happen if his feelings became too much for his soul to bear.

I sigh softly and lean my head back against the bookcase. I was so tired, so exhausted, I never realized how much strain research took out on you. My brain hurt from thinking too much! Research really wasn't my thing, and these old texts do tended to waffle on quiet a bit. I wasn't even sure if the one I was currently reading was even in English! I yawn, and cover my mouth with my hand. Maybe it would do some good if I just had a little rest, close my eyes and just… let the worries go. At least for the moment. I lie down and rest my head on my arm, I smile sleepily and find my eyes closing on their own accord. Maybe just a few minutes…

I look around; some part of me realizes that I am dreaming when I find myself looking around Angel's own apartment. I haven't been here since…. I shake my head. It's hot stifling hot; I reach up to brush the sweet from my brow when I notice a soft silver glint on my finger. I notice it's my old ring; the one Angel gave to me last year on my birthday. I haven't seen it since I placed it on the tiles in the mansion all those months ago. I frown, puzzled and glance around. I'm sitting on the bed, wearing the clothes I'd fallen asleep in. The sheets are rumpled around me; I ponder that for a second.

I hear movement and turn my head. A second later strong arms engulf my body, holding me tight. I gasp, startled and begin to push the man-sized body away when I realise something. His skin is cool to the touch, and on his finger is a ring identical to my own. I glance up, and look into the dark, soulful eyes of the vampire who holds a place in my heart. "Angel" I whisper with a contented sigh, a smile tugging impishly at my lips.

He looks down at me and smiles slowly, the light reaches his dark eyes and they twinkle as he gazes down at me. He leans down, his soft cool breath is refreshing against my skin as he kisses me softly, tenderly, slowly. I lean into his touch, relaxing and wrapping my arms around his neck as I press my hot feverish body against his cool one. He eases back slightly and allows me to suck in a much-needed breath, he moves slowly kissing my chin, my cheek, the tip of my nose… then he moves again, leaving a trail of sweet open-mouthed kisses down to the hollow of my throat. I gasp softly and tilt my head back as I wrap my hands in his short hair.

His hands wander slowly over my body, caressing, touching, always soft, always loving. He reaches the hem of my shirt and pulls it off me to stroak the soft skin on my belly. I groan breathlessly, reach behind and unclasp my bra. He gives a soft grunt and sighs softly at the sight of me. He presses himself closer against me, his silk shirt rubbing against my tender breasts. I smirk at him and lean back. He follows me as he continues to press kisses against my skin.

I'm lying on the pillows, my hair fanned out around my slightly flushed face. He leans over me, his large body hovering over my much small one. His eyes are knowing as they gaze longingly into my own. My breath hitches in my throat as I see the raw emotion in his normally stoic gaze. He looks down, his lips twitching as his eyes wander over my body. He reaches out and fiddles with the buttons of my jeans. His large but nimble fingers making quick work of the stubborn garment.

His hand is under my panties now; I moan softly and clutch at him desperately, needing him. Needing all of him. A few seconds later my jeans are in a heap on the floor, my panties quickly follow. He pulls his own shirt from his head, as I work at the belt and zipper of his dark slacks.

His hands caresses the tops of my thighs, his movements controlled and tender. I wrap myself around him and pull him close. He is breathing heavily as he moves above me. I open my eyes a crack and smile as he looks down at me. Very slowly, almost as if the shift is causing him pain his face starts to change and he growls. I gasp in horror as the next minute his fangs are buried in the side of my neck…

With a startled, strangled gasp I wake up. I'm breathing hard and look down; my clothes are on, though slightly sweaty and i'm tingily all over. I glance around self-consciously, and take a deep breath with relief. I lean my head back and close my eyes as a soft sigh escapes my swollen lips. It was only a dream. Only a dream.

So why do I feel like crying?

**A/N: Now I honestly can't remember when Buffy got her ring back. But I thought it fitted in nice with this little one-shot, so there you have it! What did you all think? **

**Please review and fill this beast of a muse! Hehe**


	23. Words

**A/N: A little scene from "The Prom"**

Words

The doorbell rings, it's insistent clang loud enough for even a human to hear. I groan softly and throw the covers off. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and sit up. Taking an unneeded breath, I stand up, my dark sweats hang low from my lean hips. With a soft growl I grab a dark sweater from the closet, shrug it on and stumble from the room.

Apparently, even my vampire speed isn't enough. The doorbell rings again. I mutter darkly under my breath.

"I'm Coming!" I call out more loudly as I walk quickly down the hall.

I enter into the entrance hall and walk past the couch. A yellow notebook is lying inconspicuously on the dark cushions and I glance at it curiously.

The innocent words sprawled across the front in purple sparkly pen stops me in my tracks. I see the words _Buffy_ _hearts_ _Angel_ and underneath _Buffy & Angel 4 eva_ my still heart turns cold and a tingle creeps up my spine. I stop and reach forward to pick up the little notebook.

Distantly I hear the doorbell rings again. It's insistent chime now the least of my worries. Nothing else matters now, nothing but this little spiral bound book in my cold hands.

Nothing but the words of undying love sprawled haphazardly across the cover.

A small smile tugs at my lips as I reach out and run my finger over the sparkly letters. I feel my undead heart soften as I gaze at her words. Dimply I hear the sound of footsteps walking away from the front door, announcing that whoever had wanted to talk to me has just given up.

I don't particularly feel like talking anyway. Smiling softly I pick up a pen and sit down on the couch. I open the notebook and turn to the inside cover. With a smirk tugging at my lips I write in my elegant old-fashioned script the heartfelt words.

_Angel and Buffy, Forever and Always_

**A/N: Ha, take that Joyce!**


	24. I will never let you go

**A/N: A slight AU version of the last scene in Becoming Part 2, at the end of Buffy season 2. I might eventually do a full-length fic for this scene, see how I go!**

I will never let you go

The pain and shock in his eyes chilled me to the bone. They are wide and scared and I see him glance down at the sword that's jutting out from the middle of his chest. He looks back up at me and I see the confusion in his eyes, the hurt…the undying love.

"Buffy?" he rasps painfully, a trickle of blood flows out of the corner of his mouth. I feel tears running down my cheeks and I gasp painfully.

I see the portal swirling around behind him, a violent vortex of power and death, a one-way trip to hell. My breath catches in my throat "Angel" I moan softly, rushing towards him and throwing my arms tightly around his neck. I'm careful to avoid the sword still buried in his torso as I hold him tight, clutching at him in desperation.

I feel the pull of the portal and hold on with all of my strength. I feel him tense as he finally becomes aware of what is happening to him, to us. His hands are tugging frantically at my arms and hands, trying to push me away "Buffy! Please, let me go, let me go!" he pleads desperately, his voice breaking in his panic.

I shake my head mutely, bury my head in his shoulder and wrap my legs around him tight. I'm not letting him go, I lost him once I'm not going to do it again.

"Buffy!" he yells at me desperately

His voice is muffled by the screaming vortex around us. I see tendrils of dark power swirl around us. They crackle with energy and hate and I shudder as they start to wrap themselves around us, bringing us closer and closer to the gaping abyss.

"Let go of me!" Angel screams again, desperately trying to pry me away.

I shake my head again, turn my head and look up at him. There are tears in his eyes, he is shaking and I can see the fear in his dark orbs. The same fear that I'm sure he see's in mine.

"I'm not letting you go" I whisper to him fiercely "I lost you once, I'm not going to loose you again" I tell him firmly

"You and me Angel, forever and always" I whisper

He swallows at that and I see a single tear start to run down his cheek "You don't belong where we're going" he hisses at me

I look at him sadly "Neither do you" I tell him softly

He has nothing to say to that. The pull of the vortex is stronger now; the air around us is full of red and blue sparks. I look around, my eyes becoming wide and fearful. Suddenly I shiver and bury my head in his shoulder "Never let me go" I whisper in desperation as I close my eyes and take a deep steadying breath.

"Never" he whispers harshly as the vortex finally pulls us in and swallows us whole.

The last thing I remember before we're pulled from this world is the feel of Angel's arms wrapped securely around me, and the sound of my heart beating against his solid chest.

**A/N: Sad yeah, but oh so powerful! What do you all think? Would you like to see a full-length fic about this? Tell me!**

**BelovedSlayer also has a short fic about this scene. I wrote this before I read her story so if there are any similarities it's purely coincidental! Make sure you check out her fic to! It's called _Last Kiss_ and is a great read!**

**Review please!**

**Lia**


	25. Saving me

**A/N: A little discussion between Buffy and Angel after the event's in "Amends"**

Saving me

I gripped her small hand tightly, afraid that if I let her go I would loose her forever. I looked up at the black sky for perhaps the fifth time in 10 minutes, marveling at the miracle that was occurring. It never snows in southern California, not in the 100 or so years I had made this land my home.

I stopped walking and closed my eyes, I smiled softly as the snow flakes gently brushed against my cheeks, their touch soft, like a gift from heaven. I open my eyes slowly and look down to find Buffy looking up at me, her large hazel eyes shining with tears, a small smile of wonder on her lips. I bend down slowly and kiss her softly on the lips.

"Thank you" I whisper to her quietly

"What for?" she asks, her voice puzzled.

"For saving me when I couldn't save myself" I whisper.

She gazes at me quietly, looks down at our joined hands and then raises them too her lips. She kisses the back of my hand lightly, her soft lips just flittering over my cool flesh. Even so, her light touch sends shivers down my spine and I shiver softly.

Her heartbeat accelerates, her breathing quickens and I know she is as effected by my touch as I am by hers. I watch, fascinated as she slowly closes her eyes and takes a deep calming breath.

When she finally opens her eyes a few seconds later there are tears on her cheeks "I will always save you" she sobs, and I know she is thinking of the time last year, when she couldn't save me.

The guilt tears at me and I reach out to brush the now frozen tears from her soft cheeks. I try to sooth her small sobs by wrapping my arms tightly around her shaking shoulders.

She leans her head on my chest and wraps her arms around me "Oh Angel… I'm sorry" She whispers

I look down at the top of her head and sigh softly, leaning my chin on her head and wrapping my arms more tightly around her small delicate frame. "Don't be Buffy, you did what you had to do. I don't blame you for anything."

"I wish you did! I sent you to hell Angel. You! not Angelus. I should be suffering a world of hurt right now for putting you through that"

"What Buffy… No!" I take a step back and hold her at arms reach "Don't ever think that Buffy, you are a good, kind person, you should not have to suffer for anything!" I pause, then decide to just take the plunge "I… admire you for what you did" I whisper

"For killing you?" she asks, her voice is hard, her eyes showing her confusion

I shake my head slowly "For saving my soul…" I swallow nervously and look away " … and for saving the world…" I lick my lips "For being strong"

Her eyes clear and she looks down at out entwined hands "I do tend to do that a lot, huh…" she murmurs quietly.

I reach out and brush an errant strand of hair back behind her ears "Much more then you should" I whisper softly.

**A/N: ****I don't think we ever really heard Buffy and Angel discuss the events of that night, and I felt we should have seen then at least acknowledge what happened between them. I know this one is not really all that great, but…idk, I felt Buffy needed to realize that Angel doesn't blame her for what happened! Until next time!**

**xoxo**

**Lia**


	26. The night has a thousand eyes

**A/N: A slight AU of the S1 episode 'Nightmares' What if Angel had actually been present in this episode, what would have been his nightmare? Angel is Angelus in this one.**

The night has a thousand eyes

The graveyard was silent as the grave, the stars shining bright as I stepped through the shimmering portal. I glanced back behind me and noticed the school was still bathed in the afternoon sunlight. I shook my head at the sight and reached into the pocket of my jacket and pulled out a stake.

It had been one hell of a day.

First Wendell had been attacked by a bunch of big, black, hairy spiders…then afterwards he told us he had been having dreams, nightmares really of spiders attacking him for months. Something to do with his brother leaving their heat light on or something and they all died. Anyway, it was weird.

Then I saw the little boy. He looked so sad.

Giles thinks our very nightmares are coming true. I really, really hope not…. I would hate to have a chemistry test over and over again.

There is a rustling sound from behind a strand of trees and I pause. I sense something familiar and turn around quickly. Angel is standing a few feet away, a dark shadow beneath the trees; his eyes are hooded and dark. I let out a deep breath and relax slightly, letting my stake drop to my side.

That's when I realize something is very wrong.

He doesn't come towards me, instead he watches me intently. I feel a chill run up my spine and shiver under his unwavering gaze. Like he is looking deep into my soul and liking what he sees. It's an uneasy feeling. His eyes are so dark…. like bottomless pits, there is no emotion in them at all.

The feeling of dread increases and I shudder again "Angel…" I whisper softly "What's wrong?"

Finally he moves, his lips twist up in a smirk and I see a quick flash of perfectly white teeth. "Nothing's wrong" he almost purrs, his smirk is cruel "I'm fine…perfectly happy" he chuckles darkly and I shiver suddenly "I'm finally free!"

He moves so fast I don't even see him until he is standing right in front in front of me. I jump as he grabs my shoulders in a painful grip and snarls angrily. His face shifts, his eyes turning a deep golden as his teeth grow to sharp points, I gasp.

He grins at me "Oh Buff" he whispers through his fangs "I'm going to enjoy this!" one of his hands leaves my shoulder and grabs a handful of hair, he jerks my head painfully to the side, exposing my throat to his hungry gaze. I hear him growl softly again before he darts forward and buries his fangs in the side of my neck.

He holds me tight against him, I make a small whimper in the back of my throat but I don't scream. I struggle, but it's no use against his tight grip and I'm fading fast. My vision become clouded, my breath coming in deep painful gasps. I can feel the blood pumping through my veins, a deep roaring in my ear. I start to feel sick and dizzy.

My heart is pounding painfully in my chest as it struggles to pump blood through my system. "Angel…" I gasp "Angel…stop" I whimper in a small scared voice

He chuckles and pulls away, I sag in his arms and he lowers me gently to the floor. His tongue flicks over his lips and he smiles wickedly "I'm not Angel little Slayer" he growls around his fangs. Then he lifts his free hand, opens his mouth and bites down on his wrist. Blood squirts out of the side of his mouth and splashes my cheek. My eyes open wide and I gasp. I squirm, trying to get up but my whole body feels like jelly, I can't move.

His grip on my shoulders is tight as he places his wrist above my mouth and lets the blood flow down my throat, I choke and splutter, but the reflex to swallow is to much. The blood tingles down my throat.

I start to cry silently, my vision going blurry from tears and blood loss. My body has almost given up. I can't even more now, not even a little twitch of a finger. I sigh and my eyes flutter closed, my mind going completely blank.

I know I'm dead.

My heart is still.

The coffin is surprisingly easy to break. I tear at the fabric, ripping it to shreds; I pound at the rough wood with my fists, crushing the wood easily. Dirt tumbles into the little hole I made and I snarl. I tear at the box and crawl upwards. The dirt is cool against my skin, I can feel the earthworms wiggle against my fingers and the roots of trees scrape against my legs.

My hand breaks the surface and I scrabble for a purchase. I dig my nails into the tuffs of grass and pull my head out of the soil. I cough and splutter, spitting dirt from my mouth as I crawl out of the earth and flop onto the grass as I take deep breath's of air.

I grunt and roll to my feet, shaking my head and brushing dirt from my shiny blue top and blonde hair. I hear a soft gasp from behind me and I whip around startled, Willow, Xander and Giles are standing a few feet away, identical looks of horror on their faces.

I smile at them and take a few steps towards them but they back away in fear. I stop and tilt my head to the side as I regard them with confusion "Guys?" I whisper, "What's going on?" I ask quietly

Giles swallows loudly "It's ok Buffy…we'll fix this" I listen to him as he tries to sooth me, but I'm confused. I turn around and notice the gravestone behind me. Carved into the stone are the words _Buffy Summers 1981-1997_, I gasp, a choking sob in the back in my throat. I bring my hands up to my face in horror. The hard brow ridges are still a shock, the pointed fangs sharper then I imagined. I blink and start to shake

"Buffy…" whispers Giles softly, his voice soothing

I turn away frantically "Don't look at me!" I yell as I turn away in shame

His voice cuts through my pain "Buffy…who did this?" he whispers

I shudder "Angel…" I whisper, "It was Angel"


	27. Obsession

**A/N: Another phone conversation between Angel and Buffy, after Angel went to Los Angeles. Probably set sometime in Angel S1.**

Obsession

"You know" I whisper "There was always something I wanted to ask you, but just never got around to" I said to him conversationally, as I sat down on the couch and twirled the cord around my fingers. I smiled as I leaned back against the backrest.

"Oh" I heard him chuckle "And what was that?" he asked softly

"What is with that damn convertible!" I asked. There was silence for a few seconds then I heard him laugh quietly. "You're obsessed!" I tell him in amusement, feeling my own laugher bubbling in my throat.

I heard him sigh "I'm not obsessed Buffy!" he tells me in annoyance

"Angel" I drawl "You own a convertible" this time I do laugh

"I like the feel of the wind in my hair" he tells me seriously, but I know he is smiling

I giggle softly "Seriously Angel, you have to admit you do like cars a lot more then what is considered normal" I tell him honestly

I can tell he had just rolled his eyes, he sighs again and a hiss of static comes in through the phone "I do like them, I admit, they're powerful and fast, and so much easier to steer then a horse" he pauses "But if I tell you the real reason I like cars you'll laugh" he tells me with conviction

I pause and consider it "I won't" I promise him.

He takes a deep breath "Do you know when the modern car was first invented?"

I shrugged and then remembered he couldn't see "Not really" I admitted "Me and history were never friends"

"Around 1907" he told me softly

"So?" I asked puzzled "What does that have to do with anything?"

He sighs again "I got my soul almost nine years earlier" he told me flatly "All the memories of the car, driving, feeling the power under my fingertips…they are mine, not the demon's" he told me softly

I paused, considering his answer "No guilt, no regrets" I whisper softly, feeling tears in my eyes

He paused for a second, taking in a deep breath "Apart from that VW Bug I had in the 60's, no, absolutely no regrets" he told me softly

**A/N: I've always wondered why Angel loved the car so much, and to me it's always seemed obvious that he would immediately get attached to the car because of it's isolation from the demon's memories. Anyways, if you like review! lol's**

**xoxo**

**Lia**


	28. Mills and Boon

**A/N: So at the very start of this fic I said I was only going to do chapters from Angel or Buffy's pov. Well….I lied, not intentionally mind you! But well, this idea came to me and I just had to write it! This chapter will be from Dawn's pov. Setting is pre-Surprise, post-What's my line? Dawn is around ten years old.**

**Enjoy!**

Mills and Boon

I'm so damn bored! The class is silent, everyone is writing frantically, well everyone except me that is. I'm already done. The test was easy, really, really easy. I mean honestly I think Mrs. Marshall must think we're all still nine or something!

So anyway, I'm sitting here bored, bored out of my brain. I'm tapping my foot to this annoying song in my head and Mel is giving me the evil eye. Finally I can't stand it any more. I get up and grab my paper and make my way up to the front. Anna has her bag in the middle of the aisle and I trip slightly, making me bump into Ben. Great, now I'm going to have boy germs for the rest of the day.

As I reach Mrs. Marshall I see that's she's like, totally engrossed in this paperback book, and her cheeks are all flushed and stuff. It's totally weird. I don't get it. Anyway, I don't say anything and she clears her throat and puts the book down and then acts like nothing is wrong.

I give her my test and she tells me to wait while she marks it, I don't mind. I start tapping my foot to that song in my head again and just look around. There's a rainbow outside and the colours are really pretty! Then I get bored and look down at the book Mrs. Marshall placed on her desk. I tilt my head slightly and lean forward so I can read the blurb on the back.

It sounds kind of mushy. It's all about this hunky guy saving this beautiful girl from the dragon. Why can't the girl save herself? That's what I would totally do! So I'm feeling kinda annoyed the girl can't stand up for herself when I pick the book up and turn it over to look at the front.

Wow! There's this like, really pretty blonde girl draped in the arms of this tall, dark-haired muscular man. And he has muscles in places I never knew you could get muscles, and their like totally looking into each others eyes and stuff. It's so sweet!

But then Mrs. Marshall like totally freaks out! She gives this small cry of alarm and snatches the book from my hands before stuffing it into a drawer under her desk. When she hands me my test back her cheeks are a bright red and she doesn't meet my eye. I glance down at my test. I got an A, awesome!

Then I look back up at her and smirk.

She motions for me to return to my seat but I just can't resist. "My sisters boyfriend is totally hotter" I tell her smugly before I turn and head back to my seat, my feet are again tapping in time to the song in my head.

**A/N: Lol, totally cute and fluffy. I've never actually read a Mills and Boon's romance, but the covers are notorious! Lol. Hope you all realize the similarities between the Mills and Boon characters and Buffy and Angel, lol. How do you all think I went with Dawn? Remember she's 10, hopefully I got her character right, if anyone has any issues just tell me! Review if you liked it!**

**Lia**


	29. A fire burning bright

**A/N: What kind of B/A fangirl would I be if I didn't include this scene, huh? lol! Yes, it's that unseen meeting between Buffy and Angel in S6/S3, post 'Flooded' in Buffy and 'Carpe Noctem' in Angel.**

A fire burning bright

The little silver crescent moon shone brightly in the night sky, casting a soft glow over the pale white sand. Dark, violent waves crashed against the shore, churning at the sand. The tide surged, sending wave after wave pounding against the beach. Then the waves would slow, and start to recede as the tide pulled the waves back into the ocean.

At the other end of the beach the sand turned into cliffs. The water foamed and surged, the violence of the ocean creating small whirlpools between the rocks. On the top of the cliffs a lighthouse stood proudly, it's steady beam a surprisingly comforting figure against the skyline.

The wind was fresh and cool as I walked slowly down the stairs from the deserted oceanic road and stepped onto the soft sand. I immediately sunk a couple of inches and felt the soft sand sink into my boots and lodge between my toes and socks. I jerked my leg in annoyance but the sand wouldn't budge. My hair fluttered in the breeze, my skin tingled slightly from the wind. But I didn't feel a thing; my skin was cooler then the icy breeze.

I pause then for a second; I could just make out the outline of someone else on the deserted beach. She was standing perhaps a hundred yards from me, her toes buried in the wet sand at the very edge of the beach. Each surge of water buried her feet almost halfway up her calf, the tips of her white skirt getting soaked as it fluttered around her legs. She didn't even notice as she continued to stare out at the expanse of ocean before her. At the dark, never ending testament to the earth's incredible power.

I lick my suddenly dry lips, the bitter cold wind making them crack, as i walk slowly towards her. When I get closer, I feel her power, It's starts as a tingle down my spine and ends with an almost constant humming thought my entire body.

She turns then, and the look on her face…. merciful god.

Her gaze was haunted, distant, but underneath that I could also see longing, a need for something I couldn't quiet grasp. I bit my lip again and paused just out of reach. She is wearing a thin coat, she clutches it around her painfully thin shoulders and I see her shiver, her teeth clattering as her long blond hair flips around her face.

The raging fire inside her is long gone, now it flickers like a lone ember…. one gust of wind and it would die.

I take a step towards her, shrugging off my leather jacket and wrapping it around her painfully thin shoulders. She is smaller then I remembered, the grave had taken what little curves she had, had. I can feel the individual bumps of her spine and feel the beginning of tears pricking the corners of my eyes. She looks up at me, unspeaking. I see her swallow painfully and then the dam breaks.

She falls into my arms; the first sob breaks painfully and hitches in her throat. Then the tears start to fall and she can't hold them back anymore. I wrap my arms around her and pull her close. She shakes in my arms, sobs wracking her tiny body as she fisted her hands into my dark shirt and holds on tight.

I don't know what she was holding on to, this world…life? I have a feeling it wasn't just me.

I lower us to the soft sand, cradling her head against my chest as I shift slightly and use my body to block the chilling wind. I stroke her hair and whisper words designed for comfort, despite my best intentions they offer hardly any comfort at all. But the sound of my voice, and the stillness of my chest seems to calm her. Slowly her sobs become quieter, until they finally still all together.

She lifted her head from my shoulder and looks up at me, her eyes shimmer and in their depth I can see her raw pain. I bit my lip again "Buffy?" I whisper softly

Her lip quivers again and she sniffs, I reach out and brush a tear from her cheek. She gets herself under control, and rubs at her eyes with the back of her hand "I'm glad you came" she told me finally, her voice was a painful soft croak, and sounded uncertain.

I frowned slightly, puzzled. This wasn't _my _Buffy.

I run a hand through her hair and tuck an errant strand behind her ear "Do you want to talk about it?" I ask her quietly

She shook her head "There's nothing to talk about!" she answered me quickly, setting her jaw and glancing away to look out at the ocean again.

I frown again; she had answered that to quickly. I watch her closely as she continues to ignore me. I lick my lips, and hope that for once that I was completely wrong "I suppose it would be hard" I whisper in her ear "Getting pulled out of Heaven"

She turns her head around quickly, her eyes wide "How did you…" she whispers shocked

I chuckle without humor "Where else would you go Buffy?" I whisper softly as I reach out and cup her cheek "You saved the world" I remind her

She shivered and looks down and I see she's struggling not to cry again. She raised her gaze and looks up into the sky, watching the stars with a sudden interest that makes my blood run cold "Where else indeed?" she murmurs, and her voice is laced with bitterness.

**A/N: Well, what do you think? Buffy and Angel on a beach, Yay! This is pretty much what I think would have happened in cannon, a lot of comfort and revelations. A lot of tears…*sniffs* Anyways, hope you all liked it. A more AU version of this scene will be posted next chapter.**

**Review please!**


	30. It's cold inside

**A/N: Another, more AU scene of Buffy and Angel's meeting in S6/S3 I love this one!**

It's cold inside

I sit at the back of the little diner, my back against the bright red plastic seat of the little booth. It was just over an hour after sunset and I was waiting patiently for _him_ to come. I knew he would. A part of me was scared, well most of me to be honest. What if he wasn't happy to see me? What if he thought it would have been better if I had stayed in the ground.

Dead things should stay dead.

Even I wasn't sure if I wanted to be back, if I wanted to be in this hard, harsh, cold world any longer. I had been in heaven, or a place close to it anyway…it was warm and light and I felt…I felt done, finished.

It was a job well done.

I was finally free

But they brought me back. My friends ripped me out of that nice place and dumped me back in my body, six feet under and gasping for breath. My knuckles were red raw by the time I pushed through the surface, my voice was hoarse from screaming, my eyes red from crying.

Is it any wonder I find it hard to…well…. live?

I sigh softly and take a small sip of my coffee. It's strong and black and bitter. But it's warm and makes me think of home. It's so hard to be here, to act like everything is normal. I almost had an accident driving here, headlights blinding me, the screech of a car horn. I almost ploughed straight into a tree.

Maybe it would have been better if I did.

I reach up to my neck and stroke the silver cross on the chain around my neck. I had started wearing it again a few nights ago, I found it in the bottom of a drawer and it called to me. The metal was warm against my cool fingers, a small comfort. It was something that I could hold and feel a connection, to him, and to the heavens.

The bell above the door jingles and I turn my head slowly, my lips resting on the edge of the cup as I hold the steaming drink to my lips. The first thing I see is a pair of black boots. I start to smile, he's here! I look up into his eyes and his dark gaze burn into mine.

I freeze.

They are almost like I remember. Almost.

They are cold, lifeless, and a demon looks out at me.

He smirks at me lazily; a cruel twist of his lips as he steps into the diner and closes the door behind him. The waitress hurries over to him, a beaming smile on her lips as she tugs self-consciously at her tight shirt.

He glances at her quickly and the woman stops a few feet from him. I see her eyes widen in terror and she takes a slow step away from him. I see him grin at that and turn his head away as he walks past her without a backward glance. His eyes focused solely on me as he practically stalks down the length of the diner and slides into the seat opposite me. His eyes wander over my form and I see his eyebrows rise in appreciation.

"Hello Lover" he practically purrs "Long time no see?" he whispers

I swallow nervously and put the cup down on the bench. I feel the beginning of tears pricking the corners of my eyes and I blink furiously.

I'm not going to cry

"Why are you here?" I spit at him, and I'm glad that my voice doesn't waver.

He smirks again "What? No hug?" he laughs heartily, throwing back his head and chuckling in amusement. He shakes his head in mock horror "Oh Buff…" he fixes me in his stare and I freeze, caught in his hypnotic gaze "You thought he wouldn't be happy to see you?" He pauses then, and the tears start to run unchecked down my cheeks. He grins at my pain and leans forward. His lips are centimeters from mine "He was perfectly happy, his love back from the dead? What man wouldn't be over the moon?"

He leans back, pauses, and then tilts his head to the side "Thanks again Buff" he whispers

I let out a sob. Finally unable to hold back my pain any longer, I put my head in my hands and lean over the table. My hair falls over my shoulders, obscuring my face as I shake and sob.

I scream and cry my pain. But nobody is listening, nobody cares. The demon in front of me raises an eyebrow and watches me with amusement. At some point he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a smoke.

I start to cough then. I look up at him through my tears. "Why are you doing this to me?" I cry "Why can't I just be!"

He shakes his head and stretches lazily in his seat, throwing one arm over the back of the chair and leaning back comfortably "It doesn't work that way Buff" he drawls

I let out another sob "Why not?" I snap "I did what I was meant to do, I fought and then I died!"

He shrugged "Yeah, so?" he takes another puff of the smoke and then puts it out on the table. Suddenly his nose it centimeters from my own. I gasp and try to pull away but his hands are like a vice on my shoulders. I can't move.

He looks straight into my eyes, into my soul. I see they flicker over my face, searching…. He leans back and cocks his head to the side "Where are you?" he asks curiously.

I lick my lips and look at him slowly. I shrug "I don't know" I whisper, "I wish I was somewhere else"

He purses his lips together as he thought about that. Then he shakes his head and laugh's again"Oh this is just brilliant" he chuckles "Your broken Buff!"

I don't even try to deny it.

**A/N: Well, what do you think? Angelus has always fascinated me, and I have always thought it could have been a possibility for him to show up when Angel learnt that Buffy was alive. A good dose of angst for you in this one! Lol ****Anyways, I'm also thinking of turning this little scene into a full-length fic. So any ideas, opinions, on that will be much appreciated!**

**Review please!**


	31. My lover, my enemy

**A/N: Just a slightly different turn on the last scene in 'Enemies' Angsty! (again) lol's!**

My lover, my enemy

I step into the dark mansion, holding my bag in front of me meekly as I walk out of the sunlight and into the shadows. I blink and see Angel standing by the fireplace, one arm leaning against the hearth, and the other stuffed deep into his pockets. He turns his head around and faces me and I see the pain in his eyes.

I swallow and look down at the floor, I shift slightly "I can't see you anymore" I tell the floor quietly. The little dust bunnies at my feet wriggle against the breeze as it flitters through the open door, it almost seems like a shake of the head.

I frown at the dust, annoyed and finally look up. Angel has moved away from the fireplace. He is still in the shadows, but is facing me with the most heartbreaking expression on his face "Buffy…" he starts

I hold up my hand and shake my head at him "Don't" I whisper, "Don't. I know you did it for me. I know you only did what I asked…but seeing you like that. Seeing you pretend to be him" I bit my lip and against my will feel a tear run down my cheek "It's just to much for me to handle at the moment ok" I sniff and look down at the floor again.

I hear him shift "I never meant to hurt you Buffy" I hear him whisper

I take a deep breath, steading my nerves and look up at him "You didn't hurt me" I tell him quietly "You scared me" I pause as I wait for that to sink in.

He closes his eyes in pain and when he opens them again I see they are bright with unshed tears "Not half as much as I scared myself" I hear him mutter, his voice harsh with feeling.


	32. Hurricane Buffy

**A/N: A good friend by the name of Sam (Silverspoon) mentioned that I should try my hand at writing B/A from other characters pov. I decided to take someone else's advice (for once!) and try it! This chapter is from Cordy's pov. Set Angel S1 just after "I Will Remember You" Enjoy!**

Hurricane Buffy

I had kept my word and left the office to give Angel and Buffy all the space they needed. But I never said anything about leaving the building! Pfft, as if!

At the moment Doyle and I are sitting on the steps outside, Doyle's breath stinks, and I'm pretty sure he hasn't had a shower since the day before….but for once I am keeping my mouth resolutely shut.

If I strain my ears, and tilt my head at just the right angle I can almost hear what is going on in the office. Ok, well…almost is a slight exaggeration. But I'm pretty sure I just heard a crash, and oh…I hope it wasn't that antique clock….because that's going to cost so much money to fix!

Beside me Doyle is looking through the window too, his hearing is better then mine and he is looking a little worried. Oh I new I should have put that clock somewhere else.

I sigh and tug on the corner of his jacket, making sure to grab a patch that wasn't covered in dirt or fluff "Doyle, what's going on! I can't hear a thing" like I said, slight exaggeration.

He holds up his hand "Sssh, Delia" he mutters "I'm trying ta listen…it sounds like there's a fight goin' on!" he narrows his eyes again as he tries to hear.

My eyes widen and I take my hand of his arm as I pull back "What?" I hiss outraged "Ok…I'm going in!" I stand up and stalk down the steps.

She's only been in there for a couple of minutes and they're already fighting! I reach the door and turn the knob when suddenly the door is wrenched open from the inside. I jump startled and look down.

Buffy is standing in the doorway, looking just as surprised to see me, as I am to see her. "Buffy...hey…again" I smile brightly

"Cordelia" he voice is cool "I thought you were leaving?" she frames her reply like a question.

"Oh…I…well…I forgot my purse" it wasn't a lie, not really. I did forget the purse, on purpose… on account of their being no money in it.

She gives me a look, and then nods slowly "Oh, well….ok" she smiles slightly "I'll just be going now, we've…" she sighed and glanced away "…said all there is to say…" the regret and sadness I hear in her voice are there for everyone to see.

I nod slowly as step out of the way as she ducks out of the office and walks away, her flat hair is shimmering in the light.

I roll my eyes as Doyle smiles at her and offers his hand, I see Buffy smile bemused as she shakes the Irishman's outstretched hand before heading down the hall towards the stairs. Doyle turns his head and looks at me "What?" he asks with a grin.

I roll my eyes at him and walk back into the office, Doyle following close behind.

I'm afraid to go in. She's like a hurricane, destroying everything in its path, while ironically leaving the house next door intact. Oh…I hope Angel is ok….he's only just starting to open up and talk to me. I was all ready for a new pay rise and everything! It's all going out the window now.

Doyle grabs a bottle of whisky from a drawer under the desk as I cross the room and lean up against the doorjamb. I poke my head into his office and frown at what I see

Angel is sitting behind his desk, a pensive, haunted look in his dark eyes. The antique clock is, thankfully unharmed and is sitting on the desk in front of him, the hands moving with a steady 'click'. I let my eyes roam around the wrecked office. Glass is strewn all over the floor and the window is broken. I sigh loudly in defeat and roll my eyes.

"Hey Angel!" I snap, as I bite the bullet and take a small step into the office. He blinks slowly, and then turns his head up slightly to look at me through dark, troubled eyes.

"Stop being all Mr Broody Pants and get over her!" I huff "Or do I need to remind you what happened the last time?" I raise an eyebrow

The look that flitters across his face is gone in seconds but I still recognised it for what it was. Angel was hurting. He looks away towards the window "I haven't forgotten Cordy" he murmurs, his voice barely loud enough for me to hear "I will never forget…" he whispers

I look away; unable to bare the expression on his face "Ok then" I whisper "Good…"

He doesn't answer.

I roll my eyes and throw my hands up in the air in defeat "Whatever!" I snap as I turn and walk out of the office. "Hurricane Buffy strikes again!" I mutter as I close the door behind me, leaving the pining vampire to his thoughts.

**A/N: Something different, did you like this scene from Cordy's pov? I love her character, and thought it would be nice to get a different perspective on Buffy and Angel's relationship. Plus, i got to write Doyle! DOYLE! i love that guy :) Please review if you liked it!**

**xoxo**

**Lia**


	33. Blood ties

**AN: A little extension of the Buffy S2 episode What's My Line Pt 2. A little insight into Kendra, who I absolutely detest! While also divulging further into Angel's thoughts about Buffy and Drusilla.**

Blood ties

"Kendra!" I shout desperately as I pull an unconscious Angel through the doors of the burning church "A little help?" I plead

The Jamaican Slayer takes one look at the bruised and bloodied vampire in my arms and sniffs disdainfully, turning up her pretty little button of a nose and crossing her arms over her chest as she turns away.

Something inside me breaks as I watch her dismiss him so quickly. She is a Slayer, trained to kill and fight the forces of evil, the darkness, the things that would, and should make you quiver in terror. This is what she has been born to, what she has been doing her entire life.

And yet, she has no idea what the world is really like. How can she possibly fight the evil that surrounds her? How can she be so blind?

I frown, my browns knitting in anger and I open my mouth to tell her what I really think. A soft groan from the man in my arms gives me pause and I look down at his bowed head, it's level with mine, despite him being almost completely hunched over. I see his eyes flutter weakly as he struggles to stay conscious "Angel, stay with me." I whisper, giving his shoulder a little shake "Stay awake!" I tell him desperately.

Willow ruches up to us then, she grabs Angel's other arm and puts it over her shoulder, the small red-head almost buckles under his weight but she stay's strong and helps me half-carry, half-drag Angel out into the night. "Cordelia is bringing her car around" she pant's as we start to walk forward "Giles and Xander are with her"

We stumble down the path and away from the burning church, Kendra following. Then I hear a squeal of tires and a bright red sports car comes to a skidding stop not 5 meters in front of us. Giles and Xander scramble out of the car and help me get Angel into the back. Kendra and Giles squeeze into one side, I sit in the middle, half on Kendra's lap, Angel's shoulders and head resting against me as he groans in pain. Xander slams the door and then flings himself into the passenger seat beside Willow "Go!" I shout at Cordelia desperately and she takes of in a flash, the smell of burning rubber assaults my senses and I cough.

"Buffy!" shouts Cordelia, as she half twist in her seat and look's at me concerned "Directions!"

"His apartments' behind the bronze" I tell her desperately as I place my hand on some of the burn marks on Angel's chest and wince in sympathy. Beside me I feel Kendra tense, and glance up quickly to see the other Slayer shooting daggers at Angel.

"You touch him, and it will be the last thing you do" I whisper to her quietly, I know she can hear me.

I hear her suck in a startled breath and when I glance at her again I see her looking at me with wide, accusing eyes. Eyes that wonder at my loyalty, about picking a vampire over a fellow Slayer.

She doesn't know the things this vampire has done to save me. About the lengths he would go to, to keep me safe. He would die for me.

What has she done?

Loyalty is earned

Cordelia breaks hard, the car skids along for a few meters and then stops suddenly, the engine ticking softly as steam rises from the vents in the grill. We all scramble out, Giles and Xander helping me with Angel, for once Xander is silent, offering no banter, or humorous jokes. He can see the burns on Angel's chest just as well as I can.

We carry him down the stairs, Willow opens the door to his apartment and I hear her small gasp as she see's the interior, The walls are filled with painting and sketches, many I know Angel did himself. There are statues from around the world, and a sword hanging from a coat rack. But the rest of the apartment is a mess, tables and chairs are broken, there is glass on the floor, the bed is unmade… all from the fight me and Kendra had earlier in the day.

I blush slightly and ease Angel down on the bed. He groans softly and shifts restlessly. His eyes flutter open and he looks at me. They are filled with pain and guilt, but he manages a brief, half-smile.

I perch on the edge of the bed and take his hand gently in my own. Willow shuffles up to me and hands me a bowl of cool water with a cloth, I smile at my friend gratefully and reach for the cloth. Willow holds the bowl for me, and places her other hand on my shoulder, offering me support as I start to clean his wounds. He hisses, grits his teeth and squeezes his eyes shut as the cloth pulls against his tender flesh "Sorry" I whisper

Giles is standing a couple of meters away, Xander and Cordelia standing next to him. Kendra is leaning against the door on the other side of the room, a look of anger on her face. My watcher clears his throat, takes off his glasses and gives them a polish before he looks up at me. His eyes show his concern, but also his weariness "Are you sure about this Buffy?" he asks quietly

I just glare at him, as Angel turns his head and fixes Giles with an unblinking stare "I'm sorry you had to see that" he told us all "I never wanted you to know…"

"Know what? That you're Drusilla's sire?" snaps Xander angrily. I sigh, it was bound to happen sooner or later.

"Xander" I mutter "Not now"

"No Buffy, he's right" Angel whispered. He looked up at Xander, then Giles and finally Cordelia and Willow who still had her arms around my shoulders "I'm sorry, you had to find out about Drusilla like this…I never…never wanted you to know…" he paused and takes a deep breath, a sob forming in the back of his throat "I never wanted you to know that about my past…"

There was a pause from my friends, finally it's Cordelia who speaks, and she surprises me "But Drusilla…she's crazy" she whispered and her voice is unusually small "Why would you….turn someone who is crazy?"

I feel Angel tense again and squeeze his hand in reassurance, offering him the only support I can at the moment. He licks his lips "She wasn't crazy when I first met her…" he whispered "She….she was an…obsession of mine." He looked up into my eyes and I could see the depth of pain and guilt and anguish in them.

"I tortured her, mentally and physically and on the day she was to take her holy orders I turned her into a demon" he whispered quietly before he turns his head and looks at the wall.

The silence is absolute; you could hear a pen drop. Giles face is a mask, giving away nothing, Willow's is full of sadness, and I see tears streaking down her cheeks. Xander and Cordelia, not knowing Angel quiet so well, and who are not as forgiving as Willow both have identical looks of horror, and fear on their faces.

Finally Xander open's his mouth and his voice is a croak "Holy orders?" he whispers, and he asks it as a question.

Angel looks him in the eye "She wanted to be a nun, a priestess…a saint" he whispered, "And I turned her into a damned creature"

Even from here I can hear Xander swallow painfully, I look at Angel and offer him a pained smile. He doesn't return it, he turns his head back and this time he looks at Giles "She is my biggest regret" he tells my watcher "I owe her so much, I treated her….despicably, and she turned Spike….."

"I thought Spike said you were his sire" this was Xander again

Angel shakes his head "Dru turned him, made him one of us, gave him her blood. But I'm the one who taught him how to be a vampire" he looks at me again "I'm the one who taught him to hunt, to kill, to revel in the pain." He looked down and pulled his hands into fists "I taught him everything he knows."

"Angel it's not your fault" I whisper, "You've got a soul now, that's the only thing that matters"

"Does it?" he asks quietly, painfully. He looks up at me briefly then looks down at his hands "I still remember everything I did without a soul; it's never going to be any different"

"You are not Angelus, you are Angel!" I tell him firmly, gripping him around the shoulders.

He swallow's painfully "The hands are still the same though" he whispered quietly.

Nobody has any answers to that.

**A/N: I was always kinda annoyed at where "What's My Line" ended, I was hoping to see a little talk between Angel and the Scooby's, finally! So this is what I was hoping for at the ending, with a little Buffy/Angel angst for good measure! Lol's**

**Hope you all liked it, please review if you liked it!**

**xoxo**

**Lia**


	34. A darker side of life

**A/N: Again trying B/A from other characters pov! This time it is Jenny's, Season 2 'The Dark Age', during that scene in the costume shop. A little Giles/Jenny as well :)**

A darker side of life

I feel the presence of the demon Eyghon leave my body, violently jumping out of my skin and into the souled vampire standing in front of me. He screams and backs away from me, his eyes flashing gold, showing the vampire within, then green as Eyghon struggles for control.

I slump to the floor watching Angel struggle for control of his body, he backs into a wall and stands there, shaking and breathing hard, his face shifting between the vampires true face, Eyghon's green-skinned form and the handsome face of the human caught in the middle.

He yells again, his eyes showing his pain. Buffy crouches down beside me, her eyes showing her alarm as she watches her lover struggle for control. "Angel!" she calls "Fight it, you're strong!" she yells.

Suddenly Angel's face turns human again; his eyes are wide and scared. He gasps and slumps to the floor, exhausted with the eternal struggle. Buffy immediately gets up and hurries over to him, taking his arm and helping him to his feet. He looks at her gratefully, his eyes full of love as he leans against her for support.

This can't be the same vampire that revelled in the destruction of my family a century before. He can't be, can it?

I stand up shakily, looking at Angel with gratitude, keeping my anxiety to myself. "Th-thankyou" I whisper, not knowing what to think. Angel has just saved my life, from a demon. A demon that could just have easily caused him serious harm.

He smiles at me, a rare curve of his lips as he looks me in the eye "I've had a demon inside me for a couple of hundred years…just waiting for a good fight" his eyes darken as he remembers the past.

Buffy wraps her arms tightly around him "Winner and still champion" she murmurs. Angel turns his head and looks at her, his smile widens and he leans forward to kiss her softly.

I watch them silently, a pang of sadness building in my chest. Should I tell him about the curse? I watch Buffy kiss Angel again, a small chaste kiss on his lips. No. Not yet, there is no danger yet.

Giles crouches down beside me, his eyes full of pain "Jenny, I am so sorry" he whispered to me quietly. I look at him and smile slightly; then I wrap my arms around him and let him pull me to my feet. As he leads me out of the costume shop I glance back over my shoulder, Angel and Buffy are standing in the middle of the room, staring into each others eyes, small smiles on their faces.

I sigh softly to myself. No, there is no danger yet.

**A/N: Ok, well I don't know about you, but I always got the impression that Jenny was going to tell Angel. She was waiting for the right time, but before she could warn him Buffy and Angel took their relationship to the next level and the curse was broken. I always felt so sorry for her! I also wanted to show how Jenny is still wary/unsure of Angel. ****Plus, the little Giles/Jenny stuff at the end was just too cute to pass up! Lol. Hope you all enjoyed it and please review if you liked this!**

**xoxo**

**Lia**


	35. Forever now

**A/N: Again, something different! This chapter is from Joyce's pov. Set S5 'Forever'**

Forever Now

A bright light surrounds me, blinding and warming me at the same time. It was a nice feeling, no pain, nothing but a sense of peace. It was quiet strange really.

Peace. Who would have thought it would be so… unnatural?

The light dimmed to a more natural glow and I found myself in the middle of my kitchen. Everything was sparkling, the dishes put away in the cupboards, the benches spotless, the floor free of dirt and biscuit crumbs.

Wait. That wasn't right! Where was the mess?

It was _too_ quiet.

I couldn't hear the pop music blasting from Dawn's room, or the sound of Buffy chatting on the phone. The police sirens were silent, the kettle still. I looked around my house, the midday sun streaming happily through the windows. It was empty, not a single sign of life. I looked down at my body and saw the kitchen tiles through my bare toes.

Huh? Oh.

_A sharp pain pierces my skull._ I frowned as I raised a hand to the back of my head and rubbed it absently. Was this death? If so it had a lot to answer for. It wasn't grand at all.

No, just lonely.

I look around the kitchen slowly and sign. I might as well try to find my girl's; they should be around here somewhere. I nod to myself and walk out of the kitchen and start to wander silently through the house. I notice the dying flowers by the door, and the stack of mail on the desk. I frown again and turn around. I look at the door, with a small shrug I twist the handle and step outside.

The streets were surprisingly silent, no birds, no cars. The sun warmed my back and I found myself liking the feeling. It wasn't hot; it wasn't cold. It was just right.

For some unknown reason I started heading towards the hills, where a few of the cemeteries were located. I know I should really make more of an effort to remember the places Buffy hangs around, but it's just so hard you know. She's always keeping up with the trends, one week it's Restfield, the next its Sunnyhill…

I pass under the ornately carved metal gate. _Sunnyside_

That's a nice name.

By the time I find Buffy the sun is almost setting. It took me a long time to get here; I know that. But I wasn't in any rush, I was dead, I know that now. It's the living that need to concern themselves with time.

I have all the time in the world now.

There she was, my little golden child. My first and only. My Slayer. She was standing beside a tombstone and a pile of freshly turned earth. My grave, I realised as I stepped up beside her and looked down to read the tombstone inscription.

A shadow falls over us, blocking out the moon. I gasp and take a step back, my form fading in and out in fright. Buffy doesn't move. The corner of her mouth twitches with a ghost of a smile.

"I would have been here sooner.." the deep voice comes from my daughters other side and I peek around her slight frame to look at the tall vampire beside her. Angel. I frown as he continues to speak "…But, well… the sun"

Buffy nods silently and moves her palm. Angel places his hand in hers and waits looking down at my grave. A single tear trails down his cheek.

I don't know how long they stand like that. Buffy is silent and shaking slightly, Angel is as cold and still as stone. Only his eyes are alive as he watches my daughter, the pain and longing apparent in his dark gaze.

Buffy shifts, tugging on Angel's palm she turns them and leads the tall vampire away from my grave and up a small rise. She sits down at the base of an ancient tree. Angel lowers himself down beside her, wrapping his arms around her small shoulders and bringing her into a comforting hug, her head resting on his shoulder.

"I'm glad you came," she murmurs then, the grief and pain making her voice barely more then a croak. They are the first words I've heard her speak since I've been standing here watching her.

Angel rubs her shoulders absently "I couldn't let you deal with this alone Buffy. I know I haven't been here but that doesn't mean I don't care" his voice is rough with sadness and I frown in confusion.

I didn't realise he still cared.

He raises his hand and pushes a strand of hair back behind her ear, his fingertips lingering on the side of her neck. The gesture is so full of love and devotion that I suddenly find myself blinking away tears.

Who knew that ghosts could cry?

My daughter, my stubborn, strong little girl looks up into the vampire's eyes and smiles sadly. "I know" she whispers. She turns her head, her gaze sweeping the area. They pass right through me as she wriggles, leans back and snuggles further into Angel's embrace.

I see the brief flash of surprise on his face before he blinks and the look is gone, replaced by one of contentment. He smiles softly, leans forward, enclosing his arms around her waist and leaning his chin on the top of her hair.

Buffy's eyes close and she takes a deep breath. They sit like that for a while, Vampire and Slayer content in each other's company. At that moment they are just like any other man or woman.

Lover and beloved.

Then Buffy starts talking. Her eyes still resolutely closed, her voice soft as she talks about me, and Dawn. I hear the fear in her voice growing as she explains about the 'Key' and someone called Glory.

I feel my own fear growing, my hands start to shake and I lower myself to the ground, my limbs suddenly weak. I watch my baby as she pours her heart out to the dead man sitting beside her. He listens to her pleas, letting her cry into his chest as he rocks her gently, all the while whispering soothing words into her ear.

When she finishes he takes a deep breath and starts to tell his own story. I had never heard him talk so much before, his voice is almost hypnotic and I find myself unable to look away. Buffy listens to all the bad things that have been happening in his life. The pain and quilt in his voice is palpable and I find myself close to tears again.

This was the man my daughter was so in love with. The man sitting right here, his arms around her shoulders, not that _thing_ that had said all those horrible things to me.

For the first time I saw the vampire through eyes that were clear of prejudice and fear. My daughter loved this man. I found myself warming to him, a small smile playing across my features as I watched them. It was so obvious that he cared for her immensely.

While I had been musing Angel and Buffy both sighed regretfully and slowly got to their feet. He took a step towards her, moving closed and looking down into her eyes, trying to gage her reaction as he slipped and arm around her waist, pulled her close as he bent his head to kiss her. It was light and soft and Buffy responded immediately by wrapping her arms around her neck. I could tell Angel meant for the kiss to be quick and chaste because he tried to pull away after a second or two.

But Buffy's arms tightened and she refused to let him go, standing on her tiptoes she deepened the kiss, giving her heart and soul to this little action. Angel moaned softly, his eyes closing and the grip around her waist tightened.

The depth and love that pored out of them in that one gesture was enough to make me gasp. My eyes widened and I glanced away.

A second later I heard Buffy gasp as she took a deep breath and Angel groan softly again. I heard a shuffle and he stepped back, his eyes wide, his breathing erratic.

"Sorry" she muttered softly.

He shakes her head "No…I shouldn't have…I shouldn't have kissed you" he whispers. I see the pain flash across her face and Angel suddenly winces as he realised how his words could be taken. "I should have realised that I wouldn't have been able to stop" he murmurs sadly.

Buffy nods and turns her head, fighting back the tears. "Why is it all so hard?" she whispers "Sometimes I think it would be easier if I didn't love you" he voice his hard and angry but her eyes show the pain she feels.

Under the tree Angel simply shrugs him wide shoulders, un offended and just as miserable as Buffy "If it was easy, do you think we would crave it so much?" he asks her softly. "So many people fail to experience this Buffy. It hurts, but I wouldn't have it any other way"

She looks away again her eyes turning and looking down at my tombstone "I guess your right" she whispers.

A sudden gust of wind causes Buffy's hair to flutter in the breeze as Angel's coat swirls around his legs. He walks up to her and takes her hand again. As one they turn away again, walking down the grassy hill and down the path towards the entrance of the cemetery.

I don't know how long I waited there on that hill. Letting the breeze ruffle my hair, catching the hem of my dress and rusting it around my legs. Finally the sky started to lighten, the first golden rays hitting my face. I turned my head towards the light and closed my eyes.

I could go now.

My girl was not ok, but one day she would be. At this moment that was enough. She had a man who loved her; She had a man devoted to her. He was a vampire, but that didn't change how much she loved him. I knew he would go to the ends of the earth to keep her safe. He would kill for her; he would die for her.

I could live with that.

**A/N: Wowzee, I don't actually have much to say about this one. I'm not really into beyond-the-grave fics, totally not my style….but, well I wanted to do something from Buffy's mums perspective. And this particular scene seemed like a good option. ( it was either this or that scene in 'The Prom' and I've already done that!)**

**Title comes from the song 'Forever Now' by Cold Chisel. Check it out on YouTube if you're curious!**

**If you liked it, review. If you thought it a bit strange and I should never try something like this ever again, review! Lol. Please! I love reviews!**

**xoxo**

**Lia**


	36. Cookies

**A/N: So I was eating a 'Choc Indulgence' muffin the other day and this just popped into my head! It's fluffy and stupid, but after the angst-fest of the last couple of chapters I felt it was needed! Takes place in 'Chosen', my version of Buffy's idiotic 'Cookie' speech!**

Cookies

I couldn't concentrate on anything she was saying to me.

She was standing in the middle of a graveyard, an old mausoleum behind her. Her hair shimmered in the moonlight. Her eyes were full of worry for the fight ahead. I kept wondering if she truly was ok, if there wasn't something more I could do, and yes…still worrying about Connor.

I tuned in again just in time to hear her say "…I always feared there was something wrong with me. You know, because I couldn't make it work…" she sighed and rolled her eyes "But maybe I'm not supposed to" she whispered

I pause and nod slightly; glad I had caught the last of her rant. "Because you're the Slayer?" I ask. It kind of made sense, the Slayer was super human, had power some people would kill for…she was chosen to save the world. It made sense that a social life would be at the bottom of the 'Powers that Be' list of requirements for the Slayer.

Buffy paused "Yeah, but I don't think that's all of it" she whispered. At my concerned look she smiled slightly "Okay. I'm… I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking" she looked up at me, her hazel eyes wide and earnest. She wasn't joking.

"Cookie dough?" I splutter in amusement and shake my head at her analogy.

She glares at me, clearly not amused "Yeah. I'm not finished becoming whoever the hell I'm going to turn out to be. I make it through this and the next thing, and the next... and maybe, one day I'll turn around and realise I'm ready. I'm cookies…"

I raise an eyebrow at that "What kind?" I ask quietly, suddenly intrigued by how far she'll go with insisting she is 'Cookie dough'

"…and then, if someone wants to eat…" she paused and blinked "What?"

I shrug my broad shoulders "Well… it's just… if I'm waiting, I kind of want to know what I'm waiting for, you know?" I look away so she can't see the small smile tugging at the corner of my lips. "Are you going to turn into something plain and sugary, or chocolaty, or one of those ginger snaps that Cordy always used to buy that kind of smelled…" I trail off as she crosses her arms over her chest and looks at me accusingly.

"You're wondering what kind of cookie I'll turn into?" she asks, her voice rising in anger as she glares at me, her eyes flashing dangerously.

I shrug "Yeah. Just quietly I'm hoping you'll turn into something with chocolate chips…" I smile at her.

She glares at me "I can turn into any cookie I want!" she snaps "Maybe I want to turn into one of those weird fruit…" she paused and sighed softly as I just raise an eyebrow at her "Ok, ok… I probably would want to turn into a chocolate chip…" she trails off

"I hope so" I murmur "I think I could learn to enjoy chocolate chip cookies" I smirk again.

She smiles at that, her eyes twinkling in amusement as she shakes her head slightly "But only when I'm done" she whispers softly

I nod slowly, knowing that under all these cookies she is dead serious. She needs time; she needs to know herself before she is ready for anything more. I know that, and I respect that.

"That's ok" I whisper "I'm not getting any older" a smile tugs at the corner of my lips and I just can't resist "Besides, there's nothing worse then an underdone cookie…" I quip. She makes an angry sound in the back of her throat and I laugh quietly as I duck the playful punch she throws at me.

I take a step towards her and grab her wrists to stop her hitting my chest. She freezes and looks up at me. Her eyes show her amusement, and her sudden uncertainty. She licks her lips "Sometimes…" she pauses and shakes her head, getting her voice under control "Underdone cookies aren't all that bad. When mum used to bake, I remember me and Dawn used to grab them as soon as they came out of the oven. They were warm and soft and the chocolate was all gooey…"

I raise an eyebrow at that and she pauses as she realises how that sounded like. Her eyes widen and she blushes slightly "Right" she mutters shaking her head again "When I'm done"

I smile and run my hands through her hair "It's ok Buffy" I whisper "I can wait, I don't care if your still all gooey…or even if your edges are all crispy and burnt…I'll still be waiting"

She glares at me as I smirk "Ok, that's the last time I try and explain cookies to you!" she snaps at me "I'm never gonna live this one down am I?" she rolls her eyes

"Never" I laugh again, as I bend down and kiss her softly on the cheek.

**A/N: Well, there goes the diet for this week! Lol. Please review if you liked it!**

**xoxo**

**Lia**


	37. Just breathe

**A/N: Xanders pov (and I can just hear you all going oh no!) lol. Set S1 'Prophecy girl'. Hope you enjoy!**

Just Breathe

Angel is just ahead of me as we run through the cave tunnels. I'm huffing and puffing and trying to keep up with him. But with to many Twinkies and a lack of supernatural speed I'm not having much luck.

I hear him curse as he vanishes from sight as he turns a corner. I quicken my pace and turn the same corner. I'm standing at the top of a little slope, the narrow tunnel opening up into a large underground cavern.

In the middle of the room there is a shallow pool of water. Buffy is lying on the ground, her face immersed in the pool. I gasp and stumble forward, running quickly towards her.

"Buffy!" I yell frantically as I scramble over the rocks.

Angel is already there, he splashes into the pool, kneeling down and grabbing her shoulders to haul her out of the water. Her dress is soaked, her hair hanging in damp tendrils around her face.

I stumble to a stop beside him as he pulls her out of the water and lays her down on the ground beside the pool. He is looking at her in fear, his hand smoothing over her skin as he checked her pulse "She's not breathing!" he tells me, his voice catching in panic.

"Ever heard of CPR?" I snap at him as I kneel down beside them.

He gives me a look "I don't breath!" he snaps

"Out of the way" I tell him pushing him in the shoulder and making him move backwards. He gets quickly out of the way as I bend over and start to give Buffy mouth to mouth, I breathe into her lungs a few times, and then lean back. Quickly I place my hands on her chest and push down, trying to get her lungs moving as I start the compressions.

I don't know how long I do this, seconds, maybe minutes… it feels like a lifetime.

I can feel Angel shaking beside me, and to be honest I'm not much better. The thought of loosing Buffy sends chills down my spine and I struggle to keep my breathing calm.

Finally, after what felt like much too long, Buffy spasms, her head coming up and she gives a great cough as she turns her head and spits water out of her mouth. Angel gives a soft relieved gasp and leans forward. Grabbing her and holding her tight against his chest and rubbing her back soothingly as she sobs.

I shift backwards watching them silently as he comforts her. She smiles at him, and I see the love in her eyes, mirrored only by the love I see shining in his.

God, I hate him.

**A/N: Just a different version of this well known scene ( I've done this from Angel's pov for my other story) But I thought it would be a nice touch if we could see this from Xanders pov. What did you all think about this one? Please review if you liked it!**

**xoxo**

**Lia**


	38. Lost

**A/N: Angel is Angelus. Set at the end of 'Passion' when Buffy finds out about Jenny.**

Lost

She is like a beacon in the night, a shining light in the darkness. I slink through the darkness, coming through the bushes and peering through the lacy white curtains in front of the window and into the dining room.

The phone starts to ring and I watch as Buffy moves to catch it. She picks it up, a small smile on her face. She listens to the person on the other end and I see her eyes widen in horror. I hear her small gasp and watch as her small body starts to shake.

Willow notices the look on her face and takes the phone from her. Buffy backs away and leans against the wall, sliding down and curling into a tight ball. Willow starts to cry and she drops the phone. It swings on its cord and rattles as it hits the wall. She raises her hands to her mouth and screams in pain. Joyce runs into the room and takes Willow into her arms, whispering soothingly.

I smirk and turn my eyes away from the hysterical red-head to look at my Slayer. There are tears streaking down her cheeks and she is shaking uncontrollably, her breathing coming in quick gasps. She opens her mouth and I hear her whisper "It's my fault, it's my fault" over and over again.

I start to laugh quietly, my eyes crinkling in amusement as I watch her pain. I lick my lips in anticipation _Oh this is going to be fun!_ I think as I lower myself down into a crouch, content to just sit and watch the fireworks.

After a couple of minutes Buffy gets up and heads out of the room, I stand up and step out of the bushes and walk around the house to the other side. I climb the large oak tree outside her bedroom, and look inside. She is sitting on the bed, tears streaming down her face. She looks down at her hands and twists the silver Claddagh ring on her finger.

I smile again, enjoying the pain I can see on her face. This is going great; my little Slayer is almost broken. It won't be long now until she is lying bleeding in my arms, her blood in my belly. I smirk at the thought.

_Oh yeah…_ I jump down to the ground below and start walking away, my coat swirling in the breeze. _She will be my greatest masterpiece yet._

**A/N: I think 'passion' is one of my all time favourite episodes, it is so sad when Jenny dies, and just seeing what Angelus is willing to do is so chilling! Ummmm…..**

**Anyways, review if you liked it!**

**xoxo**

**Lia**


	39. Help the helpless

**A/N: I was watching 'Helpless' the other day and decided to twist things a little bit. Angel decides to follow Buffy when she leaves his house, to make sure that she gets home safe. Slightly AU**

Help the helpless

All night I knew that something was wrong, she wasn't her normally bubbly self, she was remorse and distracted, and when I offered her a chance to spar she turned me down with a wary glance.

She had never turned down a sparing session before, she always loved them, punching and kicking and letting out all the troubles of the day on me, and I could deal with that just fine.

So when she got up and gave me a smile I offered to walk her home. I had never bothered to ask her that before either. I knew that she would have given me the deadliest stare and kicked me flat on my ass. But something made me ask.

I saw her hesitate; she was actually considering my offer. Then she shook her head ruefully and gave me a small smile, telling me that she would be 'fine' and not too worry. I almost rolled my eyes, but restrained myself just in time.

I waited a few minutes after she had left before I grabbed my coat and followed her, she might think she was ok, but my gut was telling me that something bad was going to happen.

She was easy to track, a bobbing sun in a starless galaxy. I hopped from rooftop to rooftop. Keeping far enough away that she would have a hard trouble sensing me, and people, even if they were the slayer hardly ever looked up, they focused on what was around them, what was on the ground, not what's on the rooftops above.

I crouch low and wait for a second as she pauses and crosses a street, her arms wrapped around her body against the cold bitter wind. I jump from the roof when the building become sparse and keep to the shadows as she walks down the side of a large park. On the corner are three men. They are older, in their mid to late thirties and even from across the street I can smell the alcohol on their breath. The taller, fatter one leers at my girl, smirking and burps "Hey, how much for a lap dance sugar!" he calls to her. His friends laugh and jeer rudely and I see Buffy duck her head and hurry past.

I growl softly in the back of my throat and as Buffy duck's out of sight I drop down from the building and walk towards the men. They stare at me, the look on my face making them pause. Then one of them laughs, "Hey mate! You should have seen the sweet little ass that just walked past!" he whistles.

I growl again softly "She's my girl" I tell them quietly before I lunge forward and grab the man by the front of the shirt and throw him into the nearest wall. The fight is over quickly, the men lying on a heap in the floor, all out cold, bruises from my fist's quickly forming on their skin. I look down at them, impassive and shrug before I turn around and walk away, following Buffy's trail.

I run down the street, following her scent. I jump a chain-linked fence and stop suddenly, my nose twitches and I snarl softly. I take off in a run, up ahead there is a shocked, fearful scream. _Buffy_ I snarl again and quicken my pace.

I round the corner, a hedge blocking my view. I jump over it and land in a crouch on the other side of the hedge. There, a few feet away is Buffy, struggling in a vampire's strong grip. He is tall and bulky, his face showing the demon within. Curiously he is dressed in a white jacket and track pants. Looking like he just stepped out of a mental institution.

Buffy's eye fill with hope when she sees me, and the sight of her relief chills me. Never have I seen Buffy so relieved to see anyone! I hate it. The vampire growls at me and I snarl back angrily, crouching down. "Buffy? You ok?" I ask her, never taking my eyes from the vampire who grips her tight.

She nods frantically. I glance at her and try and tell her with my eyes that everything is going to be ok, that I'm going to get her out of this.

I lunge forward, moving faster then I ever have before, I grab Buffy, pulling her from the vampires grip and push her behind me. The vampire is not as fast as I am, it takes him a few moments before he even realised that Buffy is no longer in his grip.

"Hey!" he yells "She is mine!"

"No" I snap angrily "She's mine!" I lunge forward again, hitting the vampire in the chest and sending him crashing to the ground. I grab the stake in my pocket and advance on the prone vampire.

Buffy grabs my arm, stopping me. I look down at her startled and she shakes her head "Don't" she tells me

My eyebrows lower in confusion "Why?" I ask "Buffy I need to dust him"

She shakes her head at me "I have to do it" she tells me, her eyes are hard and determined as she pleads to me. I pause as I realise that she does need to do this, she needs to beat him, even with her strength gone. I nod "Ok" I murmur, putting the stake back in my pocket.

Before the vampire could get to his feet I grab Buffy's hand and pull her away, running down the street, almost carrying her away from the other vampire. She is breathing hard, and stumbling every few steps. I hear the other vampire running behind us and curse quietly. I turn a corner; there is a chain-linked fence in front of me, the same one I jumped before. There is a small hole in the wire, just big enough for Buffy to squeeze through, I push her towards the opening and she crawls through, I jump the fence, grabbing a hold of the top and vaulting the fence to land on my feet on the other side.

I grab her hand and pull her along, we run out of the alley onto a road. A car coming along breaks suddenly and swerves, stopping beside us. I see it is Giles; I rush forward as he throws the door open "Get in" the librarian screams at me. I waste no time, bundling Buffy into the small car and squeezing in beside her. I start to slam the door closed when the vampire reaches us and tries to grab me. "Go, go, go!" I yell at Giles. He hits the gas and the car shots forward; I kick the vampire away, sending him tumbling to the pavement as I slam the door closed.

I take a deep breath and turn. Buffy is huddled next to me, squeezing into a small ball. I take her hand "It's going to be ok" I whisper.

She nods slowly and turns to Giles "Are you going to tell me what is going on?" she whispers. He swallows nervously "Lets get you safe first, then I'll tell you everything I know"

"Yeah, safe" she mutters in disgust.

I glance at her again, I can feel her shaking. Her mouth pulls into a hard line. I don't think she has ever felt this scared before, this vulnerable. She doesn't like it and I can't blame her. It must be a shock, loosing her strength, losing everything she holds dear. I squeeze her hand.

All I can do is be there for her, let her fight, and watch her back.

**A/N: Well what do you think? It's slightly AU but I think this definitely works better, and Buffy still gets to kill Kralic, which was one of my fav things about this episode! Please review if you liked this, next chapter will be the last chapter.**

**xoxo**

**Lia**


	40. Dust

**A/N: Slightly AU, Buffy and crew _lost_ the battle at the end of 'Chosen'. Angel's thought's many, many years into the future.**

Dust

The passage of time has long since lost any meaning to me. The day's are just a blur, merging into the decades and centuries seamlessly. Only the people around me change. They grow and age, they die and a new face takes their place. They are the reason why I keep fighting, their life meaning so much more to me then my own.

Yet, despite this. Not since before the world descended into hell have I called any of them friend. Not since Wesley had died, yelling defiantly as he emptied his semi-automatic into a demon's chest, even as it tore him apart. Not since Cordelia had perished, screaming hysterically, madness claiming her, as vision after vision tore through her body, making her feel the pain and terror of every single human soul as the world was sucked into hell.

Not since _she_ had died for the third and final time.

Despite all the years that have gone by I can still remember the last time I saw her. It was a brief meeting; in a large mausoleum in Sunny Hill Cemetery. She had held a gleaming red scythe in her small hands, her wide hazel eyes had been bright and warm and full of fire. She had smiled at me and pulled me into a passionate kiss, poring her heart and soul into our brief connection.

Then she had turned me away

She had told me she needed me for something more, to be the second front if she failed. I hadn't expected her to fail. I hadn't expected her to lose. But she had, and the world had gone to hell in just hours. The screams of the dying plaguing my dreams for a lot longer then that.

But that was a long, long time ago now. So many years gone, a distant century, just a second in the time that I have roamed this earth.

The world has long since ceased to fight against the darkness. The demons ruled now, roaming the earth as they once did at the beginning of time. The human's are the ones that have to hide now. Most of the population are enslaved, in massive compounds in the middle of the demonic cities. The few that are free, including myself and mine, are forced to live as rebels, moving from place to place, hiding in caves deep in the earth, or in fields of dead wood.

There is hardly any food, what animals we manage to find are nothing but skin and bone, and hardly worth killing. Some of the demon's are edible, and when i say edible i mean like dirt, it's not particular tasty, but as least it's not going to kill you. I kill the demon's i can, suck them dry and then haul the carcass back to the rest of the group.

Many of the plants are dead, fresh water is scarse now, river's and streams polluted with filth. The few trees that are still growing keep my human's alive. The sky is dark, the sun only appearing for a few hours a day.

Sometimes I wondered why I kept fighting the good fight, why I continued to try and keep them safe. But then I remember the look in her eyes as she turned me away and I know I cannot give up. I made her a promise. I would fight the good fight.

I would keep helping the helpless

And I would keep doing it until I was dust.

**A/N: It's a bleak, dark future for Angel if Buffy had truly lost. Another idea that I would love to do a full-length fic for!**

**This is the last instalment, after an entire year and 40 chapters, I felt it was a good time to finish! Thankyou to all of you who have been reviewing and following this story, I'm not going to name you all because knowing my luck I'll miss a few of you! Lol. It means so much to me, really, you guys have frequently put a smile on my face with your kind words.**

**Thanks**

**xoxo**

**Lia**


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